Realis 10: Conference on Clouded Dokine 02 Transcriber: mees____ Opening Narration / Recap 1 Session continues [00:03:31] 3 Examining Candide’s box [00:06:22] 6 Skip a skip a skip [00:12:52] 11 End of session [00:32:33] 27 Start of new session [00:36:14] 31 Back in Wellaway’s room [00:39:53] 36 Hye investigates [00:57:14] 52 Day one of The Wooden Potato Comedy Festival [01:05:03] 59 Wellaway’s luncheon [01:11:12] 65 The opening act [01:26:45] 82 Festival intermission [01:33:16] 88 Opening Narration / Recap Austin (as Candide): [whisper-shouts excitedly] You got us a ship?! Can I go check it out?! Ali (as Hye): You’re allowed to introduce yourself, yes. [Music intro - “Realis” by Jack de Quidt begins playing] Ali (as Hye): I believe if you speak out loud here, in a conversational tone, you will be understood. And if you place your hand here on the controls— Austin (as Candide): You’re gonna let me drive? Ali (as Hye): No. - Keith: Okay, it’s a little tacky, but there’s a lot of people wearing happy face, sad face drama masks down there. Art: What if— What if a happy face drama mask with, like— Like what if it had, like, plush and, like, eyeliner and... Like it looked a little more… Keith: Oh, that’s a— that’s a statement! Art: Yeah, yeah! Keith: Okay! So you want to take a dramatic mask, of which I have a small chestful, and sort of [cross] dress it up. Art: [cross] Yeah, give it some tone. - Austin (as Endless Academy student): Because the dead have infinite time, I can’t be accused of wasting any of theirs. Art (as Donnie): That’s simply… That’s not… true. I mean, the dead have things to do. For example, I’m in the library. Austin (as Endless Academy student): Right, because I summoned you here. Art (as Donnie): Well… Did you? Austin (as Endless Academy student): Did I not? - Ali (as Hye): There’s a… There’s a sense of history about you, Wellaway. Keith (as Wellaway): A sense of history? Ali (as Hye):Yes. I believe your future will be something people talk about. Keith (as Wellaway): A future will be history… - Art: And I suppose I’m looking for a paranormal section? Austin: Sure! Art: Right, I think I’m gonna, like, possess the bookshelf and sort of make it shake? And the idea is that the— the person who comes here will take—to investigate—will take a book, and that that book is going to have the information I need in it. - Austin: Dance’s beauty is in its imprecision and in its interpretive quality and in its flexibility. And you should be a little careful when drawing on imagined and other-dimensional places, because something can get changed or lost in translation. Um. But there are ways to make those connections, through… Through artistic expression. - Austin: You pull a spread and you’re ready to read it. And you blink. And something changes. You swear that it was— It’s— You’re so sure you saw that the fourth card you pulled was one thing and now it’s something different. The final day is unpredictable. [Music intro – “Realis” by Jack de Quidt ends] Session continues [00:03:31] Austin: And I think also back at the train, I think in, probably— Donnie, are you back at the room? [cross] Or are you back at the train? Is everybody— Art: [cross] Oh definitely, yeah. Austin: [cross] Who’s where at this point? And I guess, Wellaway, are you taking the hotel or are you coming back to the train? Keith: Um. I could send… an invite? [cross] We could all go to the hotel. Austin: [cross] [gasps] [mutters] You could all go to the hotel. It’s a suite! Keith: It’s a [cross] sweet suite. Austin: [cross] Yeah. You could do dinner at Wellaway’s suite. Ali: Yummy…! Austin: [chuckles] That was a little… [Ali chuckles] It was just far enough away that I shouldn’t even say anything… Ali: [chuckling] What—? Austin: But it’s a little TikTok NPC. Ali: Oh— [laughing] Sure… [cross] I’m sorry…! Keith: [cross] [laughs in progressively longer bursts] Austin: [cross] No it’s fine! They just ruined the word “yummy” for us [cross] unfortunately. Ali: [cross] Okay. Yeah, I don’t do TikTok, [cross] I’ve never been on TikTok, so. Keith: [cross] Oh is that one of the words? Austin: [cross] That was one of the words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately. What’s everybody— What’s the— Is everybody coming over to Wellaway’s suite the night before the comedy festival? Art: [cross] Yeah! Ali: [cross] That sounds cool! I wanna be— I wanna be shaking a thing in a cocktail thingy. Austin: Perfect. There’s television here, that’s not a thing on most other moons. But they have like— They spray the sort of… the weird smoke and then, like, project images onto it. And they record— They, like—- This is where that’s, like, a local industry. Like, imagine if only Canada had movies, you know? People would go, be like “Woah there’s movies up here!” And so that’s TV here. Um. You’re— You got a cocktail shaker going. Uh, Donnie, what are you doing? What’s your— What’s our image of you in Wellaway’s… Art: I wanna just be like sort of sitting resplendent on a couch. Austin: Love it. In the gear [cross] that you’re wearing, in the new outfit. Yeah. Art: [cross] In the gear, yeah. I’m sort of trying to— Austin: [cross] I think across from you Candide has the box on the table and is, like, futzing with it still. [cross] And Wellaway— Art: [cross] Oh, can I just open that box? Can I just make that box open? Austin: I mean, maybe? You could— You could… The thing she’s doing is now— She is… She is spinning it. She is, like, holding it like it’s flat up and down, and then she’s, like spinning it. And when she spins it, you can hear… It makes the sound of, like, a stone skipping across a pond. Art: Hmm… Austin: You know? You know that, like, real— Especially, like, that “whip”? The whip of the rock, when you whip a rock right? [cross] You know what I’m talking about? Art: [cross] Sure. Yeah. Austin: And then it goes like— It then does, like, the—I can’t do it, I can’t make any sound. But it does a skipping across the top of the water sound. And… And then, like, it stops as it slows down. But yeah, maybe you could try to open it! Examining Candide’s box [00:06:22] Art: I would like to sort of, like, shake it a little bit with spectral power, I’m sort of trying to [Austin: Sure!] wield spectral power to get an idea… [cross] of what’s— Austin: [cross] Yeah, you’re able to lift it, you’re able to shake it. You determine pretty quickly what it’s taken them like a week to determine, which is, like, this is not about moving the little side— the little side panels into a certain way. You know, you’re not doing a block puzzle here. You’re not doing that puzzle where you’re trying to move the cars out of the way for the central car to get out of the lane, you know what I mean? It’s not that, that’s a wild goose chase. There is something else here magical that needs to resonate with this thing. Or— Or some other sort of… You break it open magically, or you— You know. There’s something happen— There’s clearly a key for the box, but there’s also you could always open a box. Art: Yeah. I can’t imagine the secret is just “break it open,” though. That feels… [cross] like it’s not correct. Austin: [cross] Like cheating. Art: Yeah. Austin: Yeah, yeah. Art: Hm… [chuckling] Fascinating. [cross] I don’t— Austin: [cross] Yeah! Keith: That would go— That would go viral [cross] on puzzle youtube… Art[a]: [cross] [snorts] Austin: [cross] No, we’re not talking about puzzle youtube, I hate that place… Keith: [chuckles] Austin: Hye or Wellaway, either one of you wanna take a crack at this box? Keith: Well, I said minute one that I think it’s hidden magnetic pins that need to be put out of place in order to do the first step. [Austin: Mm, mm-hm.] And I still think that that’s true. I mean I heard about the magic thing, but you can have a— you can have a magic pin instead of a magnet pin, [cross] that’s close. Austin: [cross] Right, sure, that’s close. Yeah, that’s a lot of the same sounds, isn’t it. Keith: Yeah. Um. I would like— I can do a roll on this thing, right? Austin: You can do whatever you want! You can declare an intention. Keith: Uh, yeah, my intention is to… is to… There— We have— We’re on step one still, right? Austin: Uh…! Keith: This thing is not— No one has made [cross] any progress. Austin: [cross] No one has made any progress. Outside of just [Keith: Okay.] saying it’s not a “solve it by reasoning out the placement of the exterior panels.” Keith: Well then… Then I’m going to… I don’t know how many steps this thing is, my goal is just to solve step one, get people on the road, and I always reveal the truth and [cross] that’s what I’m going to do. Ali: [cross] Hmm! Austin: [cross] Love it. What do you— What’s this look like? Visually? As you inspect this thing. Keith: Um. I’m listening to it and tapping on the sides to see if I can hear the location of any rattling. [Austin: Yeah.] Like, whether it’s rattling, but I wanna know where it’s rattling from. Austin: [cross] Mm-hm! Um, yeah, nothing here is gonna— is countering your here. It is… [stammers] It— I— You’re gonna succeed, “I always reveal the truth,” right. Um. There is a resonating counter sound coming from somewhere in this room as you tap. You tap, and then you hear something move somewhere else in this room. And you tap [Keith: Okay.] and you hear it again. And it’s almost like this particular sound sounds a little bit like sand rolling back and forth? In like a… In, like, a hourglass? [Keith: Mm-hm.] Or like the ocean ebbing and flowing, like a wave coming in and out? But very quiet. Or like static coming in and out of focus. But very quiet. And you wouldn’t have even noticed it— I mean, presumably it was happening up until you were here next to it listening closely, you know. Just even as… [Keith: Right.] Candide was playing with the box. You do it again and you realize it’s coming from the little stone. It’s coming from the little stone that is now on Hye’s staff. Keith: It’s coming from the thing which hence?! Ali: [cross] Ohhh… Austin: [cross] It’s coming from the thing which hence. Keith: Uh, I— I… interacting with these two objects. If I can, Hye. Ali: Um, yeah, I— [chuckles] If I’m like in “I’m having dinner time, shaking a cocktail shaker” mode, [Austin: Mm-hm!] I think that my staff is, like— Keith: We got a Boston shaker? Ali: I don’t know what that means. I think my st— [cross] [laughs] Keith: [cross] We got tin on tin? Ali: I think my staff is in, like, an umbrella thing by [cross] the door. Austin: [cross] Oh that’s great, yeah. Oh, I love that image so much. Ali: [cross] [chuckling] Like, you have full access to it. [laughs] Austin: [cross] Yeah! Keith: [cross] Okay. Austin: Um. At— Keith: Boston shaker’s the one with the glass. [cross] One half is metal, one half is glass. Austin: [cross] Ohh. Ali: [cross] Oh, I was thinking metal metal. I don’t know, yeah, I don’t know. Austin: Metal metal. Metal on metal. Keith: That’s tin on tin. [Ali cackles] Unless it’s— It could be a parashaker, that’s the one where it’s got, like, a little— a little cup [cross] instead of a, like, very little— or instead of a medium cup. Ali: [cross] I don’t shake a lot…! I don’t— Yeah. Austin: [cross] Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Keith: There you go. Austin: Thanks. Um! Yeah! It’s— It’s right over there, Wellaway. Keith: Alright! Austin: Move it over? Keith: I’m gonna tap— I’m gonna just tap it [Austin: Oh.] against it. The parts that are— Austin: Yeah, it… Instantly there is a— The panels that exist on the side kind of slide away to reveal a place where you could put the stone in. Now that’s a little hard ‘cause it’s attached to the staff. Keith: Right. Austin: You could— You could, I guess, detach it from the staff? Question mark to Hye? Or you could use the whole staff and like— Where is the gem, where is the little moon orb? Ali: Um! I was thinking of it as, like, a… You know, the way a stone is inlaid in a ring of gold or whatever, right. Like this— it’s this particular wood that’s been whittled down and then comes to, like, [Keith: It—] a thicker part at the top. That the moon stone is in. Austin: And is [cross] the moon stone inside of that thicker part, or is it… on the exterior still? Keith: [cross] Okay, so it’s— Ali: It’s on the exterior still. Keith: So it’s like this? It’s like, uhh, here? Like that? Ali: Um, yeah! But imagine it, like, um…. Here, let me— [chuckling] Sorry, opening paint. Austin: [cross] Heh, here we go this is it. Ali: [cross] Basically that, yes, but you know, more inside, like on it instead of… Keith: Oh, it’s inset into the top but deeper than this. Ali: Yeah, like, surface level. Keith: Okay. Well, I’ll try to stick it in there! Austin: Yeah! Skip a skip a skip [00:12:52] [Music - “Skip a Skip a Skip” by Jack de Quidt starts playing] Austin: It clearly bobbles a little bit and, like, almost wants to pull itself out of the thing, but, like, you hover it close enough that the magical energy is able to kind of fill the gap without breaking the staff in any way. And then it’s just a matter of… moving it around the box. And the box’s lid begins to hover up… away! And inside is a—appropriately—a burst of the same sort of gas, that has been— the television gas that I described, which is also the golden, corrosive, acidic gas that the whole moon is made of. But here some sort of internal projector is projecting words up into it, like holographic words that are floating. Along with, like, holographic, like, laser images. Almost like one of those fake holographic signs, you know the ones that I’m talking about, that have like… The fan is spinning, yeah, has that sort of stuttery look to it. But it is really happening, or it’s really projecting light into this gas. And you know, as the words show up, music starts playing like a music box that you, like, turn a key on. The kind of classic gears inside begin to twist and turn as this music starts playing. And it says, Austin (as the music in the box): Gather up the pieces They fit together so. Four across the moons Or is that really so? Hidden in plain sight How would you ever know? Gather up the pieces And toss it ‘cross the pond. Skip a skip, a skip, a skip, A skip… A skip… A skip… A skip… A skip. And then you’re gone. [Music - “Skip a Skip a Skip” by Jack de Quidt ends abruptly] Austin: And everyone feels… Well… Does anyone… have a sentence that can counter—and I mean, this is, I guess, each of you—”I always mark... those who hear my poem.” Ali: Hmm… I don’t think so…! Not I, [cross] at least. [chuckles] Austin: [cross] Well, you could try. Art: [cross] Um… Keith: [cross] Um. Okay. How soon into this do I realize that it’s a… a spell [cross] that’s happening? Austin: Not until the very end. Like, the whole thing has [cross] to finish. Keith: Okay. Okay. Austin: And it’s not even clear that it’s a spell. Art: [cross] I— Keith: [cross] Okay. Well… Art: I think I might be able to counter this. And I might have to… do a little… do a little work. But I think I can wield spectral power in a way… [Austin: Mm-hm.] that makes me… impervious to being marked, but I might have to change this sentence. Austin: Right, ‘cause right now it’s— it’s a +0, “I always wield a spectral power.” But it is primed and ready to be realized. Art: Yeah… And I’ve sort of been thinking I would just realize it the same way we temporarily changed it in the last bit? [Austin: Mm-hm?] About always wielding on my environment. Austin: Right. Art: But maybe… Keith: Oh, honing! I forgot about honing. Art: [cross] Yeah. Austin: [cross] You could also hone, that’s true. Art: Oh, maybe this is a hone, though. Maybe this isn’t an “always…” Maybe this is an “always intangible” hone. No, I can’t. I need all of these— I need “always be intangible” to be as close to that as possible, I can’t have it be something like… my… you know. Austin: “My spirit is [cross] always intangible.” Art: [cross] “My spirit is always intangible” is like… [cross] I’m gonna be walking into the walls for the rest of the— Austin: [cross] God, it’s— [laughs] It’s gonna be wild when that changes, or if that changes. I guess, right, you don’t have to change it ever, right. You could decide, I’m never going to realize “I’m always intangible.” Art: Um… I… wield… a spectral power. I always— “I wield a spectral power to defend my allies” I feel is too… narrow for +1. I feel like I have to, like, get there a little slower. Austin: That’s— Eh, you know…! I’ve seen that done in this game, as a +1. Art: Alright…! Uh, defend… defend… I don’t wanna, like, get into a… I don’t wanna get into a position where like, “well, what is defending?” Austin: There’s always the chance we would do that, but I generally as a GM would be… For me the question would really be about your intention around who you’re doing it for, not is this an at— is this preempt— I don’t know. You know. It’s… It’s… Art: [cross] How about— Austin: [cross] Uh, maybe more “to support my allies”? Art: [cross] Yeah. Austin: [cross] To… “benefit my allies”? If you really wanna be careful. Art: [cross] And— And— Austin: [cross] Because you’re right, you could go to “support” and then you could go +2 defend, with the hard limit of it being not preemptive attacking, not whatever, you know. Art: And I would just like to say that I am my own best ally. Austin: I— Yeah, [Art chuckles] you— I think that you are able to— I will say you are able to… Let’s say… We should maybe say “to support myself and my allies,” just to be as careful as possible. [Art: Sure.] ‘Cause that way, again, in a +2 you could cut yourself out of it. Or cut your allies out of it. You know? Art: Sure. Austin: Um. Art: [chuckles] [as a mock threat] So don’t get any st— [chuckles] Don’t start treatin’ me bad! Austin: Yes. Art: Alright. Austin: So what’s this visually look like, what are you— What is— As this mark descends, and I do think there is a physical component to this. Like, there is something— There is a… a symbol being etched somewhere into you. It is a… um…! [cross] [mutters] Let me see, do I know what this symbol looks like. Art: [cross] Uh, yeah, let me— Let me answer that question by looking up something on YouTube. Austin: Okay, love that…! This is “Poltergeist: They’re here.” Art: Yeah, “They’re here.” Yeah, that’s what I was looking for. Ali: [cross] [laughs] Art: [cross] She doesn’t say the line, though. Um. Austin: [cross] Great. She doesn’t say the line in this clip. Wait, wait, did we skip the first ten seconds? Keith: [cross] That’s weird, yeah. Art: No! She says it to them. To the people who are sleeping. Austin: Yeah. [cross] Weird! Ali: [cross] Wait, what does she say? Art and Austin: [spooky sing-song voice] They’re heeere… Ali: Oh. Art: They played this movie at the auditorium of my elementary school one day at, like, lunch?! Like, near Halloween? [Keith: Wow.] And I have to say, wholly inappropriate. [chuckles] [Austin snorts] Ali: Mm-hm. Keith: Yeah. It was marketed as a kid’s movie, like a kid’s [cross] horror movie. Ali: [cross] I enjoyed watching that. Art: [cross] Uh, it’s— It’s a terrifying movie. Anyway! Austin: Yeah. Keith: Yeah. I was scared of Poltergeist as a ten [cross] year old. [Austin: Yeah!] Art: [cross] Uh, so at the end of that clip, the very end of that clip—we watched a whole minute to just get the last two seconds I was looking for—a, like, ghostly hand comes out of the TV? Austin: Yeah. Art: And I sort of imagine, like, a set of ghostly hands [Austin: Oooh…] sort of, like, come from the floors, walls, ceilings, wherever. [Austin: Yeah, okay.] And just pluck the mark off, and sort of, like, toss it into the ether. Austin: Oh I wish that’s what happened to you. Art: [cross][laughs] Austin: [cross] Unfortunately, this is +4 sentence [cross] attached to an ephemera. Ali: [cross] Ooh… What…! Art: [cross] Agh… Austin: Which means it does not need to be… Like your ephemera does not need to be written as— You don’t need to see all the qualifiers, there aren’t qualifiers, in the same way that for instance… Uh… “The Violet Blaster [Keith: The Violet Bla— Yeah.] eradicates anything in its firing line” is a +2 even though it reads like a +1, you know. Um. And so you are left— So— So, I think, you do that! And as your spectral hand touches this mark, it like— it gets first zapped away, in a way similar to when your— when you touched the, um, the scroll. The protection scroll, d’you remember what I’m talking about? The… From the one docking bay. And then the second time it almost starts to suck you into the symbol. And the symbol is a sort of… pair of brackets. And you can tell me where on you these show up. But it’s a kind of— like a pair of brackets, almost like a left-arrow right-arrow bracket? And then a simple dot in the middle. Um. Almost like a—again—if you did like a tall… [chuckles] In retrospect, it kind of looks like the staff that Ali just linked! The top of the staff, with an orb in the middle of two, you know, the kind of widening out thing. But it’s like a left bracket, right bracket. You can find the kind of text version of this by going to the Wikipedia page for “Full Stop” the— the— or “Full point” or “Period,” the… [cross] the… punctuation mark. Keith: [cross] I’ve heard of that. The famous punctuation mark. Most famous. Austin: [cross] The fame— One of the most— One of the most famous ones there is. Art: [cross] Perhaps the most famous punctuation [cross] mark. Austin: [cross] And then searching for “middle dot” [·] on that page . Also called “the stigmḕ mésē,” which was sort of like a semicolon in, uh, I wanna say Greek— Ancient Greek punctuation? And it’s like that— that type of symbol. Boom, there we go, I’ve copied and pasted it here now. And yeah, somewhere on you you’ve all been marked now, having heard this poem, which I will— I will copy and paste in, so that you can all have it also, obviously. Keith: I don’t prefer this! Austin: No! Keith: Yes, it feels wrong. Austin: It does! And I think Candide is like, Austin (as Candide): What just happened, what was that, what’s in there! What was that!? Keith (as Wellaway): Your box— Your box fucked with us! Austin (as Candide): It’s not my box! Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Yeah it was your box! Ali (as Hye): [cross] This isn’t Candide’s fault! Austin (as Candide): I didn’t— Keith (as Wellaway): I didn’t say that! Austin (as Candide): [stammers] What is this… tattoo? Austin: Escrundelio, the lizard, is not happy about this. [Ali: Aww!] Escrundelio, the lizard, also marked by this. Ali: Wow… Keith: [cross] Wow. Art: [cross] Woah. Keith: Even such a kingly liz? Austin: Even such a kingly liz as he. Ali: [snorts and laughs] Keith: [chuckles] Ali (as Hye): Wellaway, what happened? What were the events that transpired? Keith (as Wellaway): I opened the box and it’s sung its song! Ali (as Hye): What are you doing with my staff? Keith (as Wellaway): I unlocked the thing! Austin (as Candide): It was resonating! Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Yeah, it was resonating. Ali (as Hye): It was— Austin (as Candide): Wellaway didn’t do anything wrong. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, neither of us did anything wrong! Austin (as Candide): Now— Good! I’m glad you say it! Ali (as Hye): [pensively] It was resonating with the staff… Keith (as Wellaway): There’s— Clearly there’s four… There’s… three more of these things. Four minus one. Equals three. Austin (as Candide): What are you talking about? Art: [laughs] Keith (as Wellaway): Four across the moons! Austin (as Candide): [stammers] “Or is that really so”…! Keith (as Wellaway): Well… We probably need— I think we will need four. Austin (as Candide): [grumbles a little] Who sent this? Was there a return address? Keith (as Wellaway): You— It got sent to you! Austin (as Candide): I don’t understand… Keith (as Wellaway): Um. Hm… I would like— I would— I am— I would like to… do something…! About this. Ali: [chuckles] Austin (as Candide): So would I! Keith: [chuckles] Part of me is like… Do I need to make sure that, like… Candide really doesn’t know anything about this, but I don’t really believe that… that she’s, like, lying or hiding something. But it’s possible! Uh. And then, obviously didn’t get us all marked on purpose, I think that’s definitely true. [cross] Um. But then I’ve also— Austin: [cross] Candide didn’t, you’re saying, not the box. The box— Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keith: Right. Yes. The box, I think, marked us on purpose. [Austin: Mm-hm.] Um. The… The other thing is maybe, like, the veracity of these… The— What’s going on with the “or is that really so,” I would like to know that. I don’t know if there is a way I can know that, but [cross] these are— these are Wellaway’s thoughts. Austin: [cross] No one’s left to, like, talk about— Yeah, you should write these thoughts down. These are good thoughts to investigate, Wellaway. Keith: Yeah. [Austin: Mm-hm.] Take out my notebook…! Austin: Yeah. Also takes out their notebook, Candide. And, like, tries to write down the poem while it’s still in her memory. Austin (as Candide): Hey that was um… I saw you try to help us. And I just wanted to say thank you. Austin: That’s to Donnie. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, Donnie, good try. Art (as Donnie): Mm-hm. Austin: Because you— You’ve advanced that sentence, right? Or was that honing? Art: No, I advanced this. Austin: Yeah, you realized it. So you [cross] can— Art: [cross] Oh so I have to unclick these boxes. Austin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [cross] But that’s— Art: [cross] I changed the number. [chuckles] Austin: You did do that part, yeah. But you did that! And that’s… And then didn’t succeed! Art: Yeah. Austin: Which is… wild! And is a classic moment, right, of— For me, it’s like, you decided you wanna help your friends and it didn’t work, but now you’re— You’ve— In encountering this otherworldly power are now limited to using it in ways that help your friends. Art: Yeah. Oh, do I check it? Austin: You… do check it. ‘Cause it has— Well, is that right— Yes, you check it. Yup. Mm-hm! ‘Cause it failed. Absolutely. So you get one check. Art: And it’s been countered, so I can’t [cross] use it— Austin: [cross] It’s not been countered, because you were trying to [cross] counter a sentence. Art: [cross] I was trying to counter, yeah. Austin: Yes, correct. You could continue to use it in this scene. No, you’re good. Um. Yeah! And I think… Vibe— Vibe in room is weird, maybe? Sounds like? Keith: Yeah! Keith (as Wellaway): How’s your cocktail… Ali: [cackles] Keith: [cross] [laughs] Ali: [cross] Wooh! Austin: [cross] Damn! Keith: [cross] Hey, I heard the vibe in the room is weird. [Ali laughs] Austin: [cross] Spicy! Ali (as Hye): Would you like to— Would you like me to pour you something? Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Yeah, sure. Ali (as Hye): [cross] Sure. Austin (as Candide): [cross] Yeah definitely. Keith (as Wellaway): No! Austin (as Candide): Why? Keith (as Wellaway): You’re a kid! Austin (as Candide): I can be marked by a malignant spirit box [sulkingly] but I can’t have a drink…!? Art (as Donnie): [cross] I mean it’s— Yeah. Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Such is the way of things. Austin (as Candide): [sulkingly] Fuuck…! Ali (as Hye): I’ll— I’ll shake you up something non-alcoholic. Art (as Donnie): Yeah, mocktails have gotten really good. And I’m sure that’s even more true— Keith: Yeah, do you have sixteen dollars. Austin: [laughs] They’re so expensive, it’s— [cross] It’s insane. Ali: [cross] [chuckles] Keith: [cross] It’s insane. It’s insane. It’s cranberry juice and a squeeze of lemon and then, like, [cross] a peel. And a flower. Austin: [cross] They can be really good! I have— I’ve had good ones. I went to a Thai place a couple of nights ago that was, like, it doesn’t have its liquor license but it has mocktails and it was really good but it was thirteen dollars. Keith: Yeah, it’s a total scam. Art: I don’t know about scam! Keith: They’re scams. They’re— It’s a scam, it is— It is— Fundamentally it’s forty cents of ingredients and [cross] thirteen dollars for the drink. Art: [cross] But I mean that’s also true of cocktails. Keith: But at least cocktails are like four dollars of ingredients that cost thirteen dollars? Art: I mean but— Keith: Like, you just have to account for the fact that a bottle of alcohol is fifteen dollars wholesale and a bottle of juice is a dollar wholesale. Art: But aren’t you just putting more profit higher up the chain? I mean it doesn’t cost that much money to produce vodka. Keith: No. Austin: I don’t know enough. Keith: But it doesn’t cost that much money to produce juice. Austin: I believe you. I believe both of you ‘cause I don’t know enough about this [Keith: Yeah.] part of the world. Keith: In a way it’s the same ingredient, right, it’s like… It’s stuff to ferment— [Austin: Hmm.] It’s stuff to make alcohol from and stuff to make juice from, is the same [cross] stuff. Art: [cross] Sure, I guess fermenting makes it more expensive, right, you need a place for it to live while it ferments. Keith: Yeah. Austin: That’s true. Anyway. You’ve all been marked by a strange box. Which was only sent to Candide. Was not sent to anybody else. So there perhaps already a part of the mystery. And then, on top of that… it seems you’ve left nothing— You know the box is still there. You’ve tinkered with it, you can’t get it to play the thing again. It doesn’t— It won’t close back up. Like, it won’t lock in place shut again. Um. Thinking if there’s any other detail here. Yeah…! Keith: Okay, so I wrote down “Candide, what’s [cross] her deal?” Austin: [cross] Uh-huh. Great question. Keith: Quote “is that really so,” “okay, what’s up what that?” [Austin: Uh-huh.] “What happens when we’re gone” and “what/where is the pond?” Austin: Great question. Keith: I don’t— If there’s any other relevant questions about this thing… [cross] Then let me know. Austin: [cross] Uh. Do you really need four of them, ‘cause Candide seems to think— Well I guess that’s— [cross] That’s “is that really so.” “Is that really so.” Yeah, yeah. Keith: [cross] That’s the “is that really so.” That’s— Yeah. I’ll also write, just in case, “four across the moons [Austin: Mm-hm.]—one per moon?! Seems almost for sure,” but we [cross] don’t know. Austin: [cross] Yeah. Well, you know, let me put a little punctuation on it. A thing I know is maybe a tender subject given your recent magical marking with a big piece of punctuation. We— You know, the camera leaves the hotel room suite through the window and goes down to the… the town below and goes through a different window of the auditorium, where The Wooden Potato Comedy Festival will begin tomorrow. And there in… You know, kind of goes through the big auditorium and goes backstage, and there is backstage behind lock and key an award for the best keynote speaker and it is a trophy [Keith: Wow.] and inlaid in that trophy is a little marble. And can you guess what that marble looks like? Ali: Woah… Austin: It looks like Dokine. Keith: I bet it’s— [cross] It looks like hence. Austin: [cross] It looks like hence. It looks like Dokine, in the same way that the first marble looked like Ulled. Keith: Um, adding one, “does someone know we’re marked?” Austin: Great question. Ali: [cross] Woah… Keith: [cross] That’s a great question. Austin: [chuckles] That’s— Yeah, that’s a great question. Oof. Ali: Uh-oh… Austin: It’s fine. Ali: [snorts] Keith: [cross] Oh, I’ll write that— “It’s fine.” Austin: [cross] Yeah write “it’s fine” down. You know what! Write “it’s fine” down. Keith: [cross] [narrating notetaking] It’s… fine. Austin: I’m, like, pretty confident it’s fine. Ali: Hmm. Austin: I’d say [inaudible 00:31:32 to a degree / we agree.] Art: [cross] Okay, it’s fine! Keith: [cross] It’s fine. [narrating notetaking] Dot dot dot, I’m… pretty… confident… [Austin: Yup.] It’s fine. Austin… Walker. [Austin: Mm-hm.] Ali: [chuckles] Art: Signed, sealed, delivered. Austin: Yeah. Keith: Yeah. Take that to the bank. [Austin: Mm-hm!] Art: I— I will. Keith: [chuckles] They’ll say— What is this. Why are you— You waited in line for this?! Austin: [cross] What am I supposed to do with this— [chuckles] Keith: [laughs] Art: Um… Yeah! But like… [cross] [inaudible 00:32:04] I’m doing like …— Keith and Austin: [continue laughing] Austin: [cross] But It’s signed! Art: [cross] Yeah, it’s signed! Keith: It’s signed! [cross] Signed, sealed, delivered! Art: [cross] Signed, sealed, delivered, take it to the bank! Austin: Take it to the bank! Keith: [chuckles] Art: Put it— I— Can I have a safety deposit box, or…? Austin: I mean, yeah, [cross] we would let you— That’s fine, yeah. Keith: [cross] Oh, yeah, I’m sure you can get it— You— Yeah. We’ll talk about it, but yeah. Like, us at the bank here, we will talk about it when you’re gone. But, yes. Art: I don’t mind— I don’t care if—- what the— how popular I am at the bank. Keith: No that’s fine! I think that’s a good way to live your life. End of session [00:32:33] Ali: Huh? Austin: Time dot is. [cross] I think— actually that’s not true. Ali: [cross] Oh are we doing post— Austin: Let’s do post stuff. Yeah, let’s figure out how— Keith: Let’s do post stuff. Uh, did Donnie and I get a bond for our make-up party? Austin: I don’t— You know— You… You know what, yes, because— because you didn’t actually… You know, we didn’t explicitly say that you were using that sentence, but you did use that sentence, yes. We did kind of explicitly say that, so yeah, go ahead and mark that. You mark those when they are used, not when they are— not when they fail. So yes, [cross] absolutely. Keith: [cross] Right. This doesn’t— It’s not both sides, they’re independent? Austin: Uh, they are independent, that is— Keith: So mine doesn’t necessarily get marked, which is “What’s wrong with Donnie, [cross] can’t they take a joke.” Austin: [cross] That is correct, yeah. Keith: Because so far Donnie’s took all my jokes. Austin: So far Donnie’s been pretty good on— on the joke taking. Art: Alright, alright, next session I’ll— I’ll not take a joke. Austin: Or we could rewrite the bond, [Keith: Okay.] right. Keith: [cross] Okay, I’ll think about it. Austin: [cross] At any point, to make something a little more— a little better. A little more accurate to where things have been, you know. [cross] Um…! Keith: [cross] Yeah. Art: [cross] I’m just tryin’ to— tryin’ to go along to get along. It’s the life of a ghost. Keith: Yeah. Austin: Damn. So— [chuckles] So true. Keith: Hey I could work that— That’s, like— That could be— I’ll figure out how to [cross] make that a sentence. Austin: [cross] Yeah! Alright, end of session. [reading] If you work towards achieving your dream mark a dot next to one means of your choice. Any of ‘em. Art: Okay… Keith: [cross] I definitely did. Art: [cross] I definitely did as well. Austin: [cross] Yeah. Absolutely, I think everyone here has… [hesitates] Everyone here is moving towards dreams. Ali: Hmm. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Art: [cross] Ah, big mood. Austin: [chuckles] Keith: Even if I maybe lied about my— No, I probably didn’t lie. Austin: Hm! [cross] Then choose a means— Ali: [cross] I really need to start, uh, [chuckling] changing some of these sentences. Austin: Uh, you sure do! Keith: Yeah, me too. I’m— I’m about to have [cross] every single sentence primed. Austin: [cross] It is time to realize, yup. And this is the other— We talked about this last session, Ali, about, like, well how do people play the game? [Ali: Mm-hm.] This is the other half where it’s like, you could sit on that realization for a long time and then you’ll be like, fuck I— I want to keep leveling. I want [cross] the numbers— Keith: [cross] Yeah, ‘cause we’ll lose XP, potential XP, basically. Austin: [cross] Exactly, yeah. So. Um…! Yes, uh, so then, choose one that shaped how you played your character but you did not mark during play…! And mark it! Keith: Done. Austin: Alright! And then make sure we’ve written down our token stuff, that seems all fine. Um. Keith: I’m loaded, I’ve got the token, I’ve got [cross] four primed sentences. Austin: [cross] Yeah, you got four— Yeah, you’re realized today, huh. Keith: [cross] I thought that I was going to… realize something today, but there wasn’t a lot of that. Austin: Yeah, but you—you could’ve gotten yourself into more trouble [Keith: That’s—] and wound up realizing more, but. But [cross] we played it kind of cautious today. Keith: [cross] It’s true, yeah. Mm-hm. Austin: [cross] Before things really blow up here on this new moon that we’ve come to. [cross] One— One session of quiet on the moon and then one loud session, you know. Keith: [cross] Well you know what they say… Something something passivity… [cross] something. Austin: [cross] That’s what they say, something something passivity something, yeah. Art: [cross] That’s what they say, yeah. Austin: Uh. [reading] Prizes passivity except after wisdom gained. Uh, then— Keith: I didn’t gain shit! Austin: You gained shit! You gained— You’re gaining stuff! It seems like you gained that cool spaceship, you gained that cool mark somewhere on your body. Keith: I mean [cross] wisdom-wise. Austin: [cross] Ah, wisdom-wise, right, yeah, well. Well, wisdom gained is realizing your damn sentences! [chuckles] [cross] Which you can now do. Keith: [cross] Yeah, that’s true. Austin: Uh, alright, uh. Review your means, just making sure they’re properly marked, I think that that was all— Everything there looks good. [Keith: Yeah.] Review bonds, dreams, and band sentences, I think all those continue to be fine. Uh, alright! Keith: How do we increase the band sentence? Austin: [cross] You gotta— You gotta use it to use it. Like everything else. [Music — [unreleased interlude] by Jack de Quidt plays] Start of new session [00:36:14] Art: I went to— I went to Venom in 4DX last night, [cross] Venom 3 in 4DX. Austin [cross] Oh, nice! Keith: [cross] Oh! Art: And I was talking about it on Bluesky, about how they decided they make— Every time a symbiote talks they activate the ass rumble. Keith: [cross] Wow. Not subtle! Austin: [cross] Oh that’s really funny. Ali: [cross] Woah. Art: [cross] So you really feel the symbiote talking in your butt. Ali: That’s [cross] crazy. Austin: [cross] That’s fantastic. That’s… Art: Yeah, it’s really— If you haven’t seen a movie in 4DX, just go. [cross] I don’t even care what’s playing. Ali: [cross] Yeah… Austin: [cross] I saw…. I think I saw— I think I saw Mad Max Fury Road in 4DX, [cross] that was fun. Ali: [cross] Oh… Art: Oh my god. Austin: [cross] Yeah. Keith: [cross] I think the last movie I saw with that kind of stuff was, um, Polar Express at Jordan’s Furniture in [chuckling] Massachusetts. Ali: [laughs] That’s so scary. Art: I thought Jessica was going to be thrown from her chair. Austin: You brought Jessica to Venom?! Art: Yeah— I brought my wife to the movie?! [cross] I can’t go to the movies without my wife! Austin: [cross] Sorry… I thought— I can’t believe I— My brain… Art: [cross] We have a four month old baby! Austin: [cross] We’ve been talking about your baby recently. And I was on Bluesky and I was only half listening, and I know Jessica is not the name of your baby, I won’t say the name of your baby, but I did fill in [chuckles] [Ali chuckles] your baby… Art: Yeah, we just put the carseat in the 4DX seat. [Ali snorts] Austin: [cross] Yeah, I was like oh my god! Keith: [cross] And also, being— being thrown from the chair is something that would happen to a baby. Ali: [cross] [laughing] Yeah. Art: [cross] And not a full-grown adult, yeah. But I mean, no, I get you. Austin: [cross][laughing] Wait, yeah, thank you! That’s— Thank you, Keith, that is exactly how my brain got there. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Art: Um. Keith: More— Only more impressive that it wasn’t a baby being almost thrown. Austin: [cross] Yeah! Art: [cross] They’ll— They try to throw you! They’re— [Keith chuckles] It’s like the rodeo in that. Ali: [cross] Really…! Keith: [chuckling] They hate us! 4DX hates you. Art: Yeah. Yeah, if there’s a 4DX theatre near you, just go see anything. [Ali snorts] They were advertising Moana 2, that’s probably not as violent, but wait for a good— good violent movie. Keith: Is The Rock in that one? Can he throw— He could throw you. Art: Yeah, The Rock is in that. He was in the trailer. He was, like— He was, like, walking us through the 4DX features with clips from Moana 2. Ali: Woah! Austin: Are they doing a Moana live action? Art: They are, and that’s also gonna to have The Rock in it. Ali: [somewhat disgusted] Oh come on… Austin: I see. Keith: [cross] I’ve gotta be a movies guy again. Ali: [cross] I think the Moana one should feel like a— like a soft… like a— being on a boat, you know? Austin: [cross] Yeah. You know what I found— Keith: [cross] Oh! Ali: [cross] Like some soft ripple situations… Keith: [cross] Make people puke. [chuckles] Ali: [cross] No… Keith: [cross] From sea sickness. Austin: [cross] Do you know what I found today, that I thought was deeply charming? Ali: Oh? Austin: I— For reasons, I did a search for the movie Toy Story and the autocomplete was “Toy Story live action.” But it wasn’t— It’s not a Disney live action, it’s from eleven years ago, someone just filmed Toy Story, live action, with like [cross] toys. Ali: [cross] With their own toys? Austin: [cross] With their own toys and like… Keith and Art: [cross] Wow. Austin: [hesitates] It’s, like— it’s charming. You know? They just did it, they just did the damn thing. Keith: [cross] They just did it. Ali: [cross] Yeah, you do it for the love of the game. Keith: [cross] JP and Beyond! Austin: [cross] That’s— Exactly, you feel the love of the game here. And that is not something you could find in most of these Disney live action. Ali: [cross] [chuckles and quietly starts laughing harder] Austin: [cross] Well! Today we’re gonna continue— Art: [cross] This is incredible. Austin: Yeah, it’s great. Shoutouts to JP and Beyond, who made this. I don’t— can’t vouch for them as people or anything, you know. But… Keith: Yeah. Art: [snorts] Austin: [cross] They’re still out there— Keith: [cross] An endorseless shoutout to JP and beyond! Austin: [cross] Yeah, that’s right. Exactly. Exactly. They’re still making stuff out here! Art: [cross] Yeah. Keith: Yeah. Austin: So. Shoutouts. But nah… Nah on the endorsement. Negative endorsement— Not negative endorsement— Keith: Neutral [cross] shoutout. Austin: A neutral shoutout, thank you. Yeah. Today we are [chuckling] continuing our game of Realis, [Keith laughs] which prizes passivity except after wisdom gained, recognizes friendship’s strength but rewards solitary achievement, shifts in scope and scale according to the needs of the story and the whims of its tellers, and demands honesty in consequence but care at the table. Uh…! Back in Wellaway’s room [00:39:53] Austin: The last thing that happened when we left off was: you opened a puzzle box, a strange poem was read, and everyone gained a… a weird mark somewhere on your being, somewhere on your body. That’s where we were, we were in your kind of… your penthouse. [chuckles] [Ali chuckles] We were in your suite, Wellaway, that the comedy festival had given you, when this fucked up thing happened! Ali: Yeah, we were chilling! [Keith: Mm-hm.] Austin: Yeah! Keith: Yeah, we were having a— we were having a room party. Ali: [cross] Well… Austin: [cross] What do you do? Keith: Just hang out mostly. Drink. Ali: [cross] [snorts] Austin: [cross] No, I mean now. Keith: Oh. [laughs] Austin: Um, I think… Candide is like… Austin (as Candide): Who sent me that! Who— What is this? Why would they— Art (as Donnie): That’s a great question. [cross] Who could this— Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Do you have any enemies? Art: [scoffs] Austin (as Candide): [offended] I’m… a child! Keith (as Wellaway): I don’t know! Austin (as Candide): Yeah! Keith (as Wellaway): You got a mysterious box that cursed us all. Austin (as Candide): I did get a mysterious box that cursed us all… Hmph… Austin: Um. I think— I think Candide feels a little like… Seems a little like… maybe they’re hiding something. Keith: Hmm. Austin: Not actively— Well… Yeah, no, actively. I think that’s fair. I think that’s fair to say, you know. [Keith: Yeah.] Is not lying, you know, is not— You didn’t get the vibe that… that they were lying when they said they don’t— that they’re a child. But, uh. There’s something— You know. You know when a kid is hiding something. [cross] You know the kind of energy that comes off of that. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They’re people who aren’t that good at lying yet. Austin: Right. Still studying. Keith: Mm-hm. Austin: Do you want to try to get…Candide to— to reveal something to you? Keith: Maybe…! Um. Ali, you’re trying to use “ritually summon the power of the moon” to get information about the box, right? Ali: Mm-hm. Keith: Um… I could… I sort of want to try to do the same thing, but to Candide instead of to the box. Austin: Yeah! [cross] That seems… possible. Keith: [cross] I’m thinking of ways— “I always reveal the truth” and if I— making that, like, more specific. [Austin: Mm-hm.] The way that I’ve used it a lot is, like, revealing the truth about people's intentions, or reveal the truth, like, uh… It hasn’t— I don’t think I’ve used it a lot like— Austin: [cross] CSI crime scene? Keith: [cross] I guess I have used it a lot, like, looking for clues. Austin: [cross] You looked at— You used clues— You’ve used it for clues for sure. Keith: [cross] I’ve done it for clues, yeah. Austin: This is now, this is it— This is where— Art: [cross] If it would be— Keith: [cross] And I think it could go either way, though, it could be… Art: If it would be better for us… like, gameplay-wise, I can— ‘Cause you— you’re— You have used it in that way, it’s been very helpful, whereas “I always force others to confront the truth” is mine right now. Austin: [cross] Ooh, sure. Keith: [cross] Right. Art: And if I, like… massage that a little bit, that could be more useful in these scenarios. We could try to, like, just sort of diverge here. Austin: [cross] One of you would become— Keith: [cross] Okay, so mine is investigatory and yours is conversational? Art: Yeah. Austin: That’s fun. [cross] That’s a fun— Keith: [cross] Okay! That makes sense. Austin: [cross] Yeah that’s good. Keith: [cross] Yeah. That works. Austin: Both of yours are primed and ready for realization, in fact, [cross] so. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Art: Yeah. I’m not a hundred percent sure I need that right now. Austin: Mm-hm. Keith: Although if you’re 0… and they’re 0, they would win. Austin: This is true! Art: Sure. Keith: You could hone…! Austin: You could hone. Art: I think it’s worth… Hmm… [mutters] I always force others to confront the truth… I always force— I always force others to confront the truth about themself… Is that— Is that too… Austin: Hmm… Um…! It’s— That’s a real limitation to some degree, right? Because, like, you think about it like, right now you could use that sentence to … convince a bunch of people that… you know, some… some government official is corrupt. Or… you could convince someone— you could convince a government official that, like, the dam is about to break, and “oh my god, you have to— you have to fix that!” [Keith: Right.] And it’s a little bit of stretch to make that about your se— You know what I mean, [cross] it would be— it would be— Keith: [cross] Yeah. Art: [cross] Sure. Keith: Look within yourself, that you know [cross] the dam! Austin: [cross] You know the dam is dududududuh— No, don’t, [Keith chuckles] that’s not true, about me. Art: Well then they’re not a very good governor. Austin: [cross] Right, or— Right. Keith: [cross] No. Name one! Art: And that’s the truth [chuckling] [cross] unfortunately. Austin: [cross] [mumbling] They’re not a very good governor. Art: You’re a— You’re a shit governor. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Austin: [cross] At the very least it does meaningfully recharacterize how you’d be using that sentence, so I think that’s— that’s an interesting one. “The truth about—” And also that is how you have been using it, [cross] so. Art: [cross] Yeah. Alright I’ll do that. [Austin: Yeah!] I think the way to use it here is like, Art (as Donnie): Someone sent this to you. Austin: Is that what you say? You say someone sent this— sent this to you? Art: Yeah, I think I’m gonna— I’m gonna slow-play this. Austin (as Candide): Yeah, someone sent this to me. I don’t know who…! Art (as Donnie): I’ve never received a box like this. Austin (as Candide): Well you’re… Donnie. You know… You’re a ghost. Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] I’ve never received a box like this, no! Art (as Donnie): [cross] Wellaway, you ever gotten a— Yeah. Ali (as Hye): [cross] Me neither. Austin (as Candide): You’ve— Hye, you’ve never gotten a box like this?! This feels like [stammers] right up your alley! Keith (as Wellaway): I’ve never even heard of a box like this. Austin (as Candide): You’ve never heard of a puzzle box?! Keith (as Wellaway): No I’ve heard of a puzzle box. [Art snorts] But if you can think of one other thing this box does, that’s the part… Austin (as Candide): Uh… Well, like, you’ve never heard of a message box? Art (as Donnie): This is quite a message. Keith (as Wellaway): Yes. Ali (as Hye): Is this your first box like this? Austin (as Candide): Yes this is my first— That’s how I didn’t know how to open it! Ali (as Hye): [sound like “just asking…!”] Art (as Donnie): Well you could have gotten a different kind of puzzle box with this same [cross] kind of message in it. Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Right, with a non-curse. I’m very curse focused. Ali: [laughs] Art (as Donnie): Yeah, let’s— let’s move away from [chuckling] puzzle and toward curse. Keith: [chuckles quietly] Austin (as Candide): [hesitates] Hm… What is there to learn? Austin: This is them trying to counter you, with “I always see things differently than adults.” Austin (as Candide): The whole of the thing is someone sent me a weird box, I open the thing, I couldn’t get it open, I asked for help getting it open, we opened it, and now we’re all cursed! Austin: And this is a +0 sentence, this is going to lose. And so I’m going to mark it. Unfortunately for Candide, you can tell very clearly that something in that chain of events has been… has been left out, I would say. Keith: Massaged… Austin: Massaged. And I think you pick up, just intuitively, that it’s really around the… She said— She said, like, “if I could’ve opened it myself I would’ve.” And it’s like no one… wait, where did that come from, who— who mentioned anything about you opening it yourself? Art: Yeah. Austin: Um. What do you say? What do you say that gets her to… be straight up with you here. You’ve won this sentence, or you know, you’ve won this conflict, I just need the jump-off. Art: Trying to— Trying to calibrate my own level of spookiness, you know. Austin: Sure. Ali: [chuckles endearedly] Art (as Donnie): [calmly] Why did it need to be us? Who sent this to you? We’re your friends, we can help, but we have to know what’s going on. Austin (as Candide): I don’t know who sent it to me. But in the parcel there was a little note that said… to make sure I opened it alone… by myself. And… I couldn’t get it open! [sighs] And… I don’t— I don’t have the note, but it looked like— It looked like familiar handwriting. It looked like my handwriting. Art (as Donnie): What, like, YOUR handwriting? Austin (as Candide): Yeah, like, chicken scratch. Art (as Donnie): Did you write this?! Austin (as Candide): … No! Why would I send myself a package of a thing that I don’t even know what it is! Art (as Donnie): Maybe it’s… Maybe it’s… [chuckles] Maybe it’s time travel. [cross] Um. Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] [pensively] Hmmm, time travel…. Austin (as Candide): Is that real? Art (as Donnie): Um, maybe…? Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, maybe… Austin (as Candide): Hm… Why would I curse myself… Art (as Donnie): Why would it be your handwriting? Austin (as Candide): Maybe someone stole my handwriting…! Keith (as Wellaway): Hmm… Austin (as Candide): Maybe someone’s trying to get at me… You know, I could have lots of enemies. I just might [cross] not know who they are. Art (as Donnie): [cross] Why? No, that doesn’t make any sense. Austin (as Candide): Hm… Keith: We don’t know anything about the mark except for that we’re marked? Austin: As of right now, that is the case. [cross] Great— Great— Keith: [cross] Okay. Keith (as Wellaway): Maybe it’s a good mark. Austin (as Candide): Maybe it’s— Maybe it’s a good mark! Maybe we were— Maybe this is the opposite of a hex! Maybe this a blessing… Keith (as Wellaway): What is the opposite of a hex… Art (as Donnie): A hoox? Keith (as Wellaway): A blessing? A boon? Austin: A boon. What’s the opposite of a miracle, says Jordan, uh… Keith: Teal? Austin: Yeah, yeah. From— [cross] From— Keith: [cross] What’s a bad miracle— What do you call a bad miracle? Austin: [cross] What do you call a bad miracle? What do you call a bad miracle. Art: [cross] What do you call a bad— Yeah. Keith: [cross] God, it’s such a good line. Austin: [cross] Fuck off, it’s so good. Urgh! Hye, have you figured out how to potentially realize your sentence? Ali: I think so, but I don’t know that it’s actually, like, limiting? Austin: Mm-hm? [cross] Let’s talk through it. Ali: [cross] I— I was gonna change “I can always ritually summon the power of the moons,” [Austin: Mm-hm.] to “When I ritually [chuckling] summon the power of the moons, I can only articulate their impulse,” or something like that. But I feel like I’m also just… I would use it [cross] the same ways. Keith: [cross] That sounds very limiting to me. Austin: That feels very limiting to me. Ali: Okay. [cross] But it feels like— Art: [cross] Yeah, I think maybe too far the other way. Ali: [chuckles] I would still be doing the same game thing of being like, well, there’s a moon of desire and I’m doing it that way, [cross] or you know what I mean. Austin: [cross] Right, but you couldn't shoot a laser beam anymore. Ali: [cross] Ohh, sure. Austin: [cross] What— Maybe this is— Maybe what you can do is, “I always know how to ritually summon,” you know, like, “the impulse… of the moons.” You know, [cross] or call on— Keith: [cross] Which changes per moon, that’s kinda cool. Austin: Which changes per moon, and also is… is less— is more limited, right. [Ali: Right.] Like, I think right now, the power of the moons is just so— Or, yeah— Keith: So on Dokine you couldn’t— you couldn’t use it to hide, but on… where we just were you could use it to hide. Austin: Well, I think any moon that Hye could act— could theoretically— We did talk about this a little bit, is like, what gives you the ability to use… a moon’s power, a moon’s impulse power, [Ali: Mm-hm.] right? Is that you’ve been to— To any moon you’ve been to? You know, or something like that. And maybe that will be a— the next level of reality and we don’t want to start limiting it that way that far? I think— I think there is something to the idea of, like… You know for instance, we were just on Ulled, and Ulled has all sorts of shit going on Ulled. You know, there’s the pigs, there’s the cool big lake, [Keith: Yeah.] there is all sorts of stuff, but if all you could do was kind of leverage the fact that on Ulled you can find space, that’s not exactly— You’re not summoning the power of the boars with that, you know what I mean. [Ali: Right. Yeah, yeah.] And so that is more limited, I think that that’s interesting. Art: But before you get too far down the limitation area… [Austin: Uh-huh?] What if we really focused on the lasers? Ali: [laughs] That’s the thing, like, I did the laser— Well, I don’t know that it was a laser, [cross] I think I did a— Austin: [cross] You didn’t do the laser, you did like a… Ali: I did a big shield because I connected to, like, a moon [Austin: Yes.] that— impulse was, like, protection. Austin: [cross] Yes, that is what you did. Art: [cross] Yeah, but like, just— That’s no moon, that’s a space station. Austin: What we could do here is say “I always know how to ritually summon—” We can decide that what this sentence does, ‘cause it’s the way you’ve been playing it, is leverage the impulses of various moons. [Ali: Mm-hm.] And we could now say “I always know how to ritually summon the power of a moon I’ve visited,” but that doesn’t necessarily help you here. [cross] Necess— Keith: [cross] Could you widen the impulse to include stuff like the moon’s sentences? Like “I can always ritually summon the power of the moon that I’m on.” So on Ulled you wouldn’t just be able to find space, but you could do something with the beast or the warrens and tunnels? Austin: I think that’s totally possible. [Keith: It’s—] The thing worth saying there, though, is, like, that would be two realization levels, because right now there’s nothing that says Hye can only summon [cross] the power of the moon that she’s on. Ali: [cross] Right. And everything— everything I’ve summoned so far has been, like, a moon I made up. [cross] [chuckling] On the fly, for the thing that I wanted to do. Austin: [cross] Yes, correct. Keith: [cross] Right. Right. Austin: [cross] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ali: So I think, like, making it one space is way too… Keith: What was the— What is the second layer, Austin? ‘Cause you said there would be two layers of realization? Austin: Well one layer would be only— Because Ali has been making up fake moons this whole time, [Keith: Right.] right. Ali: [chuckles] Keith: So you’re saying it restricts it to moons that exist, and then further restricts it to moons that… [cross] that— that Hye is on. Austin: [cross] That— The way that you were just describing, that Hye is currently on. You know, [Keith: Right.] that’s a huge restriction. [Ali: Mm-hm.] It’s a cool restriction! But it’s— [Keith: Mm-hm.] it’s a big one, [cross] you know. Keith: [cross] Right. And I was seeing it as widening ‘cause instead of just dealing with impulses, it’s dealing with… [cross] you could access all of the sentences, but it is still— Austin: [cross] Totally. But as written— as written, Hye can do whatever the— Like, “I can always ritually summon the power of the moons” currently does include that other stuff, [Keith: Right. Right.] Ali has just been playing it— You’ve just been playing it, Ali, with— [cross] with… Ali: [cross] With— Based on impulses, yeah. Keith: [cross] With made up stuff, right. Austin: [cross] Based on impulse, ‘cause it’s a fun way to do it, [Keith: Right, yeah.] [Ali chuckles] [Ali: Yeah…] but it’s not the only way you can do it right now, you know. Um. Keith: And that’s the danger of a low reality sentence where you’re like, well I could summon a laser, it’s just a very weak laser that wouldn’t hurt… very many [cross] people. Austin: [cross] Unless you’re doing it in defense against someone who’s the same tier as you, in which case you just destroy them, [Keith: Right.] right, you know. [Keith: Right, yeah.] Or if it’s unopposed, if it’s dududu... Anyway! Um. [sighs] How are you feeling Ali, having now gone back and forth on all that a bunch. What’s— What speaks to you as the best version of this? And we can figure out the wording. Ali: Yeah, I don’t know, I feel like making it location based is a really big… limiter? [Austin: Mm-hm.] And I do like… You know, keeping her magic focused on something that is about impulse? [Austin: Mm-hm.] I just don’t know if that changes… enough, that it doesn’t just feel like [chuckling] I’m using it the same way, you know? Austin: Right, well, ‘cause right now you’ve just invited— As long as you’re still inventing impulses then it’s— for fake moons, then it isn’t a limit at all. [Ali: Right.] ‘Cause you can just say, “on this moon the impulse is shoot a big laser.” I know you’re not shooting a big laser, [cross] I know this. Ali: [cross] [chuckles] No, yeah, yeah. Um. But also, like, the thing that I also want to do is communicate to a moon that is not this moon, [cross] so like— Austin: [cross] This is true. So you should keep that in mind, [cross] yes. Ali: [cross] Yeah. Austin and Ali: Um. Keith: Yeah, there are other limitations that aren’t… [cross] narrowing down moons. Austin: [cross] Uh,I mean, here’s a big change. “I always know how to ritually identify the power of a moon.” Much different, big swing, big— big restriction. But turns it into an investigatory verb instead of an action verb, you know. Ali: Hmm. Keith: Mm-hm. Austin: Though that might be too close to “I always read the future in the stars” or something else, right. Ali: Yeah. Austin: Um. [cross] Or, you know— Keith: [cross] Yeah, this is Ali’s biggest action-y sentence. Austin: [cross] It is. It is. Again, you can also— you can also do something as simple as, you know, “I always know how to ritually summon the power of the moons when…” you know, “given— when given five minutes.” [chuckling] You know, like. Ali: Oh, sure, sure, sure. Austin: Like, there’s all sorts of ways that you can restrict this that are not about changing it in its core, but are about putting some sort of structural narrative restriction on it, you know what I mean. Where it isn’t… changing it, you know… from the openness that it has, but instead it’s requiring something extra of you, to do it. You know? Um. Keith: It’s like replacing Tackle with Solar Beam. Austin: [cross] It’s like replacing Tackle with— Ali: [cross] [chuckles] It’s just like that. It’s— [continues chuckling] Austin: [cross] It’s just like that. Uh, I mean— Keith: [cross] Well, you have to charge Solar Beam before you can fire it. Austin: What it’s like is— is like when Kurapika says [snorts]“I can do this [Keith: Yup.] if it’s against a… a member of the Phantom Troupe,” [Ali: Mmm.] [Keith: Yeah.] or “I can do this when my eyes glow red.” Right. So like, you could have “I always summon— I always know how to ritually summon the power of the moons when I’m angry, or when I’m confused, or when I’m blah blah blah— trying to find an answer to something.” You know. Um. Not saying that those are good ones, but that’s— those sorts of circumstantial changes are available, you know. Keith: We got to the part of the Chimera Ant Arc where ants show up and just, like, say their whole deal in one sentence, it’s so funny. “I use my strong tail as a spring to propel me among the trees! [Ali chuckles] It’s impossible to follow my moves in the dark!” Austin: Perfect. [cross] Good. Ali: [cross] [chuckling] Keith: [cross] That is basically the only thing that that character says before he gets tied around a tree and left to starve to death. Austin: Jesus… Ali: [quietly] Rest in peace… Keith: [chuckles briefly] Austin: Um… Ali: Yeah, I mean situational sounds like it makes sense. Like the— My first impulse here is to be like “I always know how to ritually summon the power of the moons so long as I have my… [pause] [Austin: Right!] fortune telling staff?” You know. [chuckles] Austin: [cross] My— Your staff. Yeah. Yeah. Ali: Yeah, yeah. Austin: Let’s just do that, ‘cause “as long as you have your equipment with you” is a perfectly good [Ali: Mm-hm.] starter, you know, thing. Because there might be times when you lose that stuff, you know. Ali: I’m— I’m putting a target on its back! [chuckles] Austin: [cross] You sure did. Ali: [cross] [chuckling] I have, in this— this moment. Austin: [cross] This is a classic flag being raised. Ali: Uh-huh… Austin: And it’s also a way of reminding you to describe the equipment being used, right, so. [Ali: Yeah.] So, what’s this look like? Hye investigates [00:57:14] Ali: I think that it’s, um… Like, it’s— it’s— You know… I think she’s writing it on a piece of parchment but that, like, has, like, a weird sheen to it? [Austin: Mm-hm?] And she has, like, a— like, uh… like a charcoal pencil [chuckling] or whatever? [Austin: Mm, mm-hm.] So it’s, like, leaving behind some dust. And then I think, like, once I finish the— the actual, like, conscription of the whole thing, then like, the writing on the page starts, like, moving or whatev— [Austin: Hmm.] [gasps] Or no, I keep doing, like, projection stuff, I think, like, the words, like, project in a moonish glowy way, [chuckles] above the paper, [Austin: Interesting.] and then sort of, like, reform like smoke into whatever information I’m about to get. Austin: Yeah. Uh, you’re gonna get the impulses of some related moons, is what you’re gonna get. Ali: Alright! Austin: Um. I… Uh… [quieter] God, did I actually— One second, I need to see if I have an exact… Um. Okay. The smoke, you said, rises up from it? [Ali: Mm-hm.] Right? Um. So there’s a few, you know, written out in— in a kind of ugly cursive, an ugly script, are a pair of impulses, a pair of sentences. Or a pair of impulses—impulses are not sentences. The first is: “Respond to spite with spite.” Ali: Ooh…! Austin: The second is: “Unmake something important to you.” Um. And you don’t— you can’t place either of those. But the word “unmake” is a powerful— is a… [hesitates] “Unmake” has a sort of cosmological, philosophical… weight to it? It makes you think of a group called The Fatalists, which are a cult. They are a cult of… They’re a cult that fundamentally believes that Realis is sort of stuck in a purgatory, a purgatorial state. We’ve talked before that like, if a moon is destroyed another moon just gets created. And— So they sort of… want to destroy everything? ‘Cause they think that’s the only way you get to make something that isn’t Realis, that isn’t this same— I don’t know if it— Some of them believe it’s a cycle. But they believe in “Unmaking” and “Undoing” and things like that. They— You know, they search for things called “The Undoing Word” and, you know, “The Unmaking Arrow” and shit like that. You’ve probably never come across a Fatalist, but you’re exactly the sort of class that will have heard of them, you know. Um. Keith: Sorry, these words, uh— It was “respond to spite with spite,” “unmake something important to you”? [cross] Was that what it was? Austin: [cross] Yeah, mm-hm. Keith: What— Where— [Austin: They—] How were these revealed? Where was this? Ali: Um, they’re revealed in, like, a puff of smoke that appears above the magic paper and pen I was using. Keith: Okay. And this is your investigation of the box. [Austin: Mm-hm.] Okay. Austin: And so it’s kind of connected to those spaces, somehow. To those different— Two different moons. Ali: I have to go home and consult my… magic— [chuckles] my moon [cross] encyclopedia. [chuckles] Austin: [cross] Right, your encyclopedia. Right, yeah, sure. Where are these, have these been— Ali: [cross] Yeah that’s— the source of power in the Crux chapel. [Austin: Yeah.] I don’t know. [Austin: Right, yeah.] We’ll find out. [chuckles] Austin: [cross] It’s certainly possible. Keith: [cross] Encycloon-pedia. Ali: [chuckles at a higher pitch] Keith: Is that anything… Austin: That’s clos— Yeah, sure. Yeah. That’s great. Encycloonpedia. Sure. Uh, so yeah. There— That’s what I think your big connection here is. Uh. And I— You know, I would go a step further and say… if Fatalists are involved, you know. A lot of… A lot of the questions about who is really trying to do stuff on Ulled— Like, the Fatalists are a big scary weird cult, they could be involved in a lot of places. This could be— Keith: I don’t know, this purgatory thing sounds like it has legs though. Austin: [snorts] Yeah, you’re— you’re compelled by this? Keith: Yeah, I heard about the Fatalists one second ago, seems real. Austin: [chuckles] Guy who watched the Boss Baby Cult introduction video… Keith: [chuckles] Ali: [chuckles] Austin: Uh, alright! I think Candide is like, Austin (as Candide): Hey that’s freaky… Ali (as Hye): I can confirm that this had… sinister intentions. Austin: [snorts] Austin (as Candide): Yeah, the box that cursed us? Ali (as Hye): [chuckling] Well it could have been—! [chuckles] We could— Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] It could have been a boon, like we discussed! Austin (as Candide): [cross] Yeah, I’m sorry, it could have been a boon. Ali (as Hye): We could’ve been— We could’ve been exaggerating here, you know. [Candide: Mm-hm.] I just wanted to give a sense of the real danger, and there’s real… danger… [chuckling] Austin (as Candide): There is real danger. Ali: [laughs] Art (as Donnie): Hmm… Ali (as Hye): And you’re welcome! [chuckles] Austin (as Candide): Thank you… Is there, like, a story we can go to to get these removed like bad tattoos? Keith (as Wellaway): Yes. There is. You asked and [chuckling] I answered. [Ali snorts] Art (as Donnie): Is there? Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Yup! Ali: [cross] Yeah, Keith, where are we going? Keith (as Wellaway): It’s down the street, it’s actually next door I saw it on my way up. Art (as Donnie): Oh… Austin (as Candide): Great… Keith (as Wellaway): Problem solved. Austin: Oh, okay. And then everything was fine. [cross] The end. Keith: [cross] Yup. Ali: [cross] When I walk down the street, [chuckling] I can— [laughs] [Keith chuckles] I can sense what I need. Keith: I am always quick in wit and bone when seeing a store [cross] that removes curses. Austin: [cross] Ohh! This— Ohh. Ali: [cross] [laughs] Keith: [cross] [laughs] Art: [cross] Ahhh. Austin: [cross] Perfect. Perfect. Art: Who could counter that! Austin: [cross] Hmm… Keith: [cross] [chuckles] Austin: Unfortunately I think whatever you need is going to be able to counter “I always mark those who hear my poem,” a +4, [cross] uh, ephemera. Keith: [cross] And that’s a— Yeah, a +4. Austin: Yeah, uh-huh. Art: I don’t think that’s relevant! Austin: Well, unfortunately it is. Ali: [chuckles] Austin: Damn +4 curse you all got on you. Um. Keith: Damn, if I had realized a sentence, honed that sentence immediately after, and defended… Austin: That’d still only be a +3, right. Keith: Wouldn’t— It would be— Oh, [cross] ‘cause I start a 0. Fuck. Damn. Austin: [cross] You start at 0, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, it’s a tough one. Keith: It’s hard to start at 0. Austin: It’s hard to start 0. Is there more partying tonight? Is there more hotel room hang, like, what’s— What do you do? After this? Art: I think the curse kind of wrecks the vibe. Keith: Yeah. Pancakes come, room service, soggy. Austin: Oh… Ali: Oh… Austin: Ugh… Keith: It’s real maple syrup but it’s the cheap maple syrup that it’s not even as good as the fake maple syrup. [Austin sighs] Ali: I mean, you can’t take this out on the room service, they weren’t cursed. Keith: No, but… Austin: Sometimes a whole day turns like that. Ali: [chuckles] Keith: Yeah… Austin: You know… Keith (as Wellaway): These pancakes would have tasted good if I wasn’t cursed. In a sort of cosmic way—You should understand this! Ali (as Hye): [quietly] Unfortunately I do… Austin (as Candide): Oh well. Can I sleep here? It’s a comfortable couch. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. It is a comfortable couch! Austin (as Candide): Cool. Austin: Uh, and— Keith (as Wellaway): They gave me the futon suite! [Austin snorts] [Ali chuckles] There’s a bunch of futons here. Ali: [chuckling] Oh my god… Austin (as Candide): Weird. Keith: What? Ali: Ohh that’s very comedy festival to me. Austin: Yeah. Keith: [laughs] Ali: Just a bunch of guys in a room. Austin: Yeah. Um. Alright, well, you’re all, uh, able to do whatever you want for the rest of the night. ________________ Day one of The Wooden Potato Comedy Festival [01:05:03] Austin: I think, you know, for me the big question is how does day one of the Wooden Potato Comedy Festival go? Uh. Does anyone do anything before that happens? Does anyone have, like, morning activities, before the… What time does the— What does the first day of a comedy festival kick off? Keith: I don’t know. [cross] Art, do you know for sure? Art: [cross] Oh, it depends. Um. Ali: [cross] 5:30. Austin: Yeah, it seems like an evening thing, [cross] right? Art: [cross] Yeah, it’s like the evening. Austin: Yeah. Keith: [cross] Yeah. I was— Austin: [cross] So you kind of have the whole day until the 5:00PM kick-off. It’s a 5:30 kick-off, it says 5:00PM but it’s a 5— it’s a 5:30. Keith: [cross] Right, at 5:30. Ali: [cross] Doors are at 5:00. [chuckles] Austin: Doors are at 5:00. Keith: [cross] Well it starts at 5:00, but it’s— The first event is 30 minutes waiting. Ali: [cross] [chuckles] Austin: [cross] [sighs] Right. Yeah. Uh-huh. Keith: [cross] [laughs] Austin: [cross] Tickin’ it. Keith: [cross] It’s in the brochure Ali: [cross] Is— Do we have— Is there a physical sensation that comes with being cursed? Austin: Uh, you have this tattoo on you. Ali: [cross] Oh, that’s right... Austin: [cross] You have this mark on you. Which, if you scroll up in the Realis chat I think you’ll find it. Um. Yes the last time that I— [Ali: Yeah.] that I posted it. This kind of, like, “bracket, dot, bracket” thing. Um. Keith: Right. Austin: Which has a name but [cross] I forget what it was. Keith: [cross] Was it the Starforge. Austin: It does kind of look like the Starforge. It has a name, I forget what the actual name of it is. Um. Keith: You said at the time, [cross] I don’t remember. Austin: [cross] I did, I did. [Keith: Yeah.] It’s fine. Uh. The… But other than that, no, you don’t feel…. You don’t feel any type of way, [chuckles] truly. You’re not— [Ali: Hmm.] You don’t wake up tired, you don’t w— I mean, here’s a better question. What are the things you think are the curse? [chuckles] Ali: [cross] Ohh, I see, I see… Austin: [cross] You wake up the next day and you’re like— and you’re like, well that’s gotta be the curse. Ali: [cross] Well I— Keith: [cross] That’s the curse. That’s the curse doing its dirty business. Ali: [cross] [chuckles] I wanted to— I was thinking about it because I wanted to get up early in the morning and get, like, the equivalent of, like, bringing a bag of bagels back to the— [cross] [chuckling] the room for everybody. Austin: [cross] Oh that’s so good. Ali: And then I also wanted to do the thing of like— I described Hye as sort of mother-hen-ing, um, Wellaway last week, and the idea of, like, coming back with, like, tiny vials of holy water? Or like [chuckling] these like little… Like a fortune charm for everyone to carry around, and be like, Ali (as Hye): Well, just in case…! Ali: [chuckles] Austin: That’s very funny. Keith: That’s very funny. Austin: I kind of love that. Keith: I remembered I committed to some sort of long dinner, but the long dinner was like minimum 20 minutes, [cross] so. Austin: [cross] It was, yeah. Keith: But I did commit to this. Is that the first day? Is that like [cross] a lunch pre-festival? Austin: [cross] I think it was a lunch— Yeah, I think it was a luncheon this morning, yeah, uh-huh. Keith: Yeah. So I have lunch plans. Austin: Okay! Um. Interesting. Good to know. And then you have, uh… I guess, Donnie you’re just— You don’t have anything else that you’re doing here, you’ve done your little side-thing, so you’re— Keith: The library? Austin: Yeah, the library. So now you’re just along for the ride. I mean I guess all of you could also go to work at the circus, but that seems… boring now that there’s a comedy festival. Keith: And a curse! Austin: And a curse. Yeah. Um. I have a question for Hye, are the charms… real? Ali: [chuckles] Keith: Is this Michael Jordan’s special stuff? Ali: I don’t know what that is, so no. [laughs] [cross] Um. Austin: [cross] Great. Keith: [cross] It’s from Space Jam. Ali: [cross] But it might be, like— It might be— It’s like— It’s funny, I try to play her as genuine as I can. Austin: Yeah! [cross] Comes across! Ali: [cross] But I do think that there is an aspect of, like, going to the town crystal lady store and [Austin: Sure.] like [chuckling] really getting caught by whatever the local, like— [Austin: Oh, interesting.] The way that I’m thinking about it is, like, giving people like a charm bracelet that’s the equivalent of like those Livestrong bands, that’s like, it’s going to pull out all of the negative ions from your blood. [chuckles] Austin: Sure. Keith: Yeah, this is Michael Jordan’s special stuff. Ali: [cross] [laughs] Austin: [cross] Yeah, uh-huh. Keith: Bugs Bunny gives everybody a bunch of water and says this is magic Michael Jordan juice that will make you extra good at basketball. Ali: Oh, sure, okay. Austin: [cross] But it’s just water. Keith: [cross] And it makes everybody good, but it’s just water. Ali: [cross] [chuckles] Austin: Mm-hm. It’s gross actually. [Ali: But, yeah.] I never liked this part. I never liked the idea that— Keith: You never liked the special stuff? Austin: I never liked the idea that there was Michael Jordan’s special, like, [Ali chuckles] water. Keith: I’m pretty sure that it was literally called “special stuff,” [Austin: I— Hmm. Yeah.] [chuckles] but I could be misremembering. Art: Yeah, I think that’s right. Austin: I think that’s right, too. Um. Alright! Well, so it sounds like no, these are not powerful magical charms that you’re getting for people, which is fine. Ali: Yeah, I mean— Keith: [cross] Secret stuff! Austin and Art: [cross] Secret stuff. Ali: I could declare an impulse here but, like, I don’t know that it would… [chuckles] I think it’s funny if it narratively— it doesn’t do anything. Austin: [cross] It— Yeah, me too, me too. Ali: [cross] It just, like— I got duped getting bagels from the farmer’s market and there was a incense lady there. Austin: [cross] There was a little— Yeah, uh-huh! Ali: [chuckles] Austin: Yeah, incense on a string that you, like, burn and it, like— Austin (as incense vendor): It burns around the string, it’s like it doesn’t— It’s— [Keith: Woah…] It’s— Yeah, uh-huh! Mm-hm. Ali (as Hye): [cross] I really need this… [Ali chuckles quietly] Austin (as incense vendor): [cross] You can wear it in public, you can burn it in public, no one minds! No one minds the smell. Keith (as NPC): Woah, no one minds?! [Ali laughs] Is that part of the magic? Austin (as incense vendor): Yeah that’s— It’s an old charm recipe. Ali (as Hye): You know I really needed to meet you today. Austin: [snorts] God... [hesitates] Austin (as incense vendor): Things that need to happen, happen. Ali (as Hye): I’m always saying this. Austin (as incense vendor): Hm. Austin: Uh, the— this part of the town is heavy in activity getting ready for the comedy festival. Um. And I— You know, I think there’s another moment here where Hye—you know, as you’re getting this stuff in the background—Magistrate Castagon again walks past and you know is inter— is asking people about the clown, is asking people about, you know, trying to find the group etcetera. Um. We don’t need you to pick up on this, just— The hunters are on the hunt out there today. [Ali: Mm-hm.] Um. And I guess, Wellaway, you’re gonna go to this luncheon. Wellaway’s luncheon [01:11:12] Keith: Yeah. Austin: You know I think it’s mostly— It’s one of those luncheons where it’s the three members of the— it’s the three, like, keynote speakers, except one of them, The Final Day, does not show up. So it’s you and Cartier Buff, who I think— Keith: C.B. Austin: C.B., yeah. Who I think is, like, a traditional, stand-up comedian. In a nice suit. I’m picturing kind of like a… I’m picturing a suit that maybe Sinbad wore? [typing] Sinbad suit… Keith: Sure. Austin: Maybe not… I’m picturing a sort of— Keith: [cross] He wore some shiny, colorful suits, right? Art: [cross] I don’t think you’ve ever seen Sinbad wearing a suit. Austin: [cross] Yes I have! I’m looking at it right now! [Keith: Yeah, see.] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Art: What?! Austin: What do you mean “what”? Art: When does he wear a suit? Austin: He— Of course he wears a suit! He is a host sometimes. Here, look, this is exactly what I’m talking about. [cross] This is exactly what I’m talking about. Art: [cross] Sinbad at the Oscars…. Keith: I swear I’ve seen him in a maroon suit. Austin: Yeah. Look at this. Keith: Oh! Look at that, [cross] that’s exactly what I’m thinking of. Ali: [cross] [laughs] Austin: [cross] [chuckles] Art: Wow! Austin: Yeah, uh-huh! [cross] So a maroon suit— Art: [cross] Is that vest… painted on the shirt…? Austin: [chuckles] I think it’s just a little too tight. Keith: [cross] No, I think it’s a different material. Austin: Unfortunately. Keith: It’s like a very— It’s like a very weird material. Austin: Yeah. Uh. It’s— You know, in my mind it’s like this color of, like, almost metallic maroon with a— an even more metallic maroon and gold vest. Keith: Say this, the material looks very nice, [Austin: Yeah. Yeah.] on the suit. It looks like a very soft suit. Austin: Um. You know, I’m thinking— I’m thinking this era of comedian suit, you know. Not quite, uh… Kings of Comedy giant suit yet, you know? More fancy color, metallic vibe. Uh. And— And I think this guy is just, like, a pretty traditional stand-up comedian, I don’t know that you necessarily know Cartier’s work, C.B.’s work. But we— You know, we talked a little bit about what the kind of comedic, like, culture was, the other day when we were recording? [Keith: Yeah.] We talked a lot about crowd work, and, like, Cartier is a crowd worker, right. Is, like, going to do a lot of [Art: Ugh…] material based on hecklers. I think— [Ali: Oh…] I think, you know, when you sit down next to Cartier, Cartier is leaning over and talking to one of the— one of the, like, people from the festival who, you know, is… is trying to just get a minute with— with the talent. And Cartier is like, Austin (as Cartier Buff): [boasting] Yeah, three, four, five, six hecklers, I got ‘em coming for sure. They’re gonna have material, I’m gonna have better material. Austin: And so is clearly stacking the deck towards what will be a very memorable time for people who love to hear comedians go back and forth with people in the crowd. Um. And then, yeah, The Final Day has— Art: [sarcastic] Who doesn’t love that…! Austin: [chuckles] Who could say! Ali: I can’t— I can’t believe this guy has already been influenced by TikTok comedians. [cross] It’s… Keith: [cross] I know. And the worst thing is, he’s stealing my act. Ali: [laughs] Austin: Realis is a sort of terrible—what did the Fatalists say, it’s a terrible purgatory? Keith: Yeah. Austin: It’s— it’s a sort of limbo of hell? Like, you know, you’re just stuck [Art: Yeah.] cycling the same ideas over and over again? Ali: I believe that now. Austin: Yeah. Mm-hm. Um. And—- And I think CB looks over to you and is like, Austin (as Cartier): Wellaway Piaster! Keith (as Wellaway): Hey. Hey CB. Austin (as Cartier): How you been! Don’t eat the eggs. They don’t know [cross] how to make the eggs. Keith (as Wellaway): Oh. They don’t know how— How do you make the— How do they make the eggs wrong? Austin (as Cartier): They make ‘em wet and sloppy. Keith (as Wellaway): Wet and sloppy… How are the yolks? Austin (as Cartier): Uh, long. Keith (as Wellaway): What! Austin (as Cartier): Eh. Too long. Keith (as Wellaway): That’s the one thing you're not supposed to do to an egg! Austin (as Cartier): Shouldn’t— You shouldn’t lengthen the yolk. Keith (as Wellaway): You shouldn’t lengthen the yolk! Austin (as Cartier): Ah you still got it. Um so what do you— [cross] what’s up with you, huh? Art: [cross] [breaks out in laughter] Keith: [cross] [laughs] Austin (as Cartier): What’s up with you? You doing day two, huh? Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, day two. You know, a little loose, sort of my style. Austin (as Cartier): Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I keep it a little tighter than that, but you know. I think I’m gonna do day one. Keith (as Wellaway): Crowd work on day one, huh! Austin (as Cartier): Yeah, crowd work on day one, it is a crowd work on day one type of world! Keith (as Wellaway): I guess it is these days. Austin (as Cartier): I— You know, you come to Dokine, Dokine— They’re advanced out here. If I was on Ulled maybe I wouldn’t do crowd work day one. On Ulled they’re still finding the seats day one, you know. But these people, they’re advanced. You can’t bore ‘em with the old can material. Keith (as Wellaway): Hmmm. Austin (as Cartier): You gotta hit ‘em with the old boom-bat! Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. Austin (as Cartier): Wa-cha! Keith (as Wellaway): And they like that…! Austin (as Cartier): Oops pow surprise! Ali: [snorts and laughs] Austin (as Cartier): Then you get ‘em. Art: [cross] You get ‘em… Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Hey I rem— That’s from your first— That’s from your first record! Austin (as Cartier): [chuckling] That’s from my first, that’s right. [cross] Yeah. What was the name— Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Yeah. That’s good. [cross] That’s no— That never ages. Austin (as Cartier): That never ages. Yeah. [Wellaway: Yeah.] It’s a classic. Um. Anyway. And then I’m gonna get the fuck outa here, ‘cause there’s a bunch of weird [chuckling] motherfuckers around, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. Keith (as Wellaway): Uh, yeah. Like weird for Dokine or weird… Austin (as Cartier): Yeah, weird for Dokine! Keith (as Wellaway): That’s weird. Austin (as Cartier): Big eyed motherfuckers. Keith (as Wellaway): Big eyed… Austin (as Cartier): You didn’t notice? Keith (as Wellaway): Long, yolky eyes… Austin (as Cartier): In a— In a sense! Looking around like somethin’s supposed to happen. Keith (as Wellaway): Something is supposed to happen. Austin (as Cartier): Okay, but you know, comedy is… the art of nothin’ ever really happening. [chuckles] Keith (as Wellaway): Sure. Austin (as Cartier): But I’ve seen these people walking around… at the buffet. Looking like it’s gonna be their last buffet. Keith (as Wellaway): Here? Austin (as Cartier): Yeah. Keith (as Wellaway): Huh. Austin (as Cartier): Not at the luncheon. [to a waiter] No, no more eggs please, thank you, yeah I’m good. Um, no, just around the city. Out-of-towners. Keith (as Wellaway): Huh. Austin (as Cartier): That’s all. So I’m gonna do my bit day one, I’m gonna collect the check, and I’m gonna get off of this moon. Which is to say, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I won’t be there for your show. Keith (as Wellaway): No big deal. Austin: And then, you know, gets pulled away by a different attendant who wants to ask the stupidest question you’ve ever heard about co— Someone says like, Austin (as festival attendant): So where do you get the idea for the jokes? You know? How do you know when it’s funny? Keith: How do they know when to laugh? Austin (as festival attendant): [chuckling] How do they— How do they know when to— when to laugh? So you want the— [Keith chuckles] you want the laugh signs, [chuckling] yes or no? Austin: Um. And then yeah, it’s a bunch of people who work at this festival. Um. And, uh, who— You know, I’m sure the same thing happens to you very quickly, right. As like, as you get settled down and you get served the ugliest looking eggs you’ve ever seen, um, [Keith: Yeah.] one of the other attendants, you know, sits down next to you and is like, Austin (as festival attendant): So what should we expect? Not to get, you know, not to spoil any punchlines…! Keith (as Wellaway): Um. I don’t know, like— Like, uh, ten minutes, I think. Austin (as festival attendant): Ten min— ten minutes… Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, they said ten minutes. Austin (as festival attendant): No, the keynote? The keynote’s an hour. Keith (as Wellaway): They told me ten minutes…! Austin (as festival attendant): For the keynote? Keith (as Wellaway): It’s a short keynote. There’s a lot of speakers! Austin (as festival attendant): N— No… The luncheon is only ten more minutes? You don’t have— Keith (as Wellaway): Oh, the luncheon. Maybe I’m thinking about the luncheon. Austin (as festival attendant): You don’t have an hour of material for tomorrow? Keith (as Wellaway): Uhh, no! I’ve got an hour. Austin (as festival attendant): Oh… Okay… Then, can I get a little preview? Keith (as Wellaway): Um, contractually not allowed. Austin (as festival attendant): [whispers] Damnit. Well… Okay. Well, I’m looking forward to it. Keith (as Wellaway): Um, no— No laugh signs, by the way. Austin (as festival attendant): You sure? Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, I’ve— Yeah. Austin (as festival attendant): Some of the stuff here is, um… Some of the people here are pretty advanced, and they might— they might not, um… You know we think about you as kind of, like, the everyman clown, you know? And they might— they might, you know, think themselves in circles and not know when to laugh without the signs. Keith (as Wellaway): So they’re so advanced they won’t know how to laugh without the sign that says to laugh? Austin (as festival attendant): That’s right. Keith (as Wellaway): Okay. Well, I’ll put my faith in… the audience. Austin (as festival attendant): Hm. Um, another question, how many props are you going to have? Keith (as Wellaway): Twelve. Austin (as festival attendant): Okay. [Art: Twelve…!] Do any of them— Are any of them bigger than your hand? ‘Cause we have to register those. Keith (as Wellaway): All but one. Austin (as festival attendant): So eleven bigger than hand props. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. Austin (as festival attendant): Okay, well, I’ll make sure you get the registration form and I’ll need you to fill that out. Um. I mean if you know what they are right now I could just fill it out right now. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah I know what they are. Austin: Takes out a piece of paper, you know, and a pen. The paper is a complex tax form. [Keith: Okay.] Like it has that kind of like, the many boxes of, uh, an IRS form. And it’s, you know, eventually you get down to, like, 3A, 3B, 3C, and those are all of the prop— the bigger than your hand props that you need to get registered here. Austin (as festival attendant): [clears throat] Okay, ready to write them down. Keith (as Wellaway): Uh yeah, um. Counter top. Austin (as festival attendant): You’re bringing one? Keith (as Wellaway): Yup. Austin (as festival attendant): Okay, counter top. Keith (as Wellaway): Refrigerator. Austin (as festival attendant): Refrigerator. Keith (as Wellaway): Stove. Austin (as festival attendant): This is a— Is this a kitchen set? Do you need us to— Keith (as Wellaway): It’s a full kitchen, it’s— Basically it’s a [cross] full kitchen set. If that’s easier. Austin (as festival attendant): [cross] So, that’s easier, we don’t need to register that. We can just [cross] give you the kitchen set. A full kitchen set. Keith (as Wellaway): Just say full kitchen set. Yeah. Austin (as festival attendant): Is there anything non-kitchen related, bigger than your hand we need to declare. Keith (as Wellaway): Non— I have a prop lamp. Austin (as festival attendant): [quietly] A prop lamp… Keith (as Wellaway): I know that there’s stage lighting, but it’s just to give a sort of vibe. But I don’t know if that counts as part of a kitchen. Austin (as festival attendant): [aside] J— Jill! Jill, [cross] does the kitchen— Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] Oh, Jill will know. Austin (as festival attendant): Yeah, does the kitchen set come with a lamp? [louder] Does the kitchen set come with a lamp!? Ali and Austin (as Jill): No! Ali and Austin: [chuckle] Art: No, most kitchens don’t have lamps. [Keith: Right.] Austin (as festival attendant): No, but does this one come with a lamp! Keith (as Wellaway): Can it come with a lamp if it has to? Ali (as Jill): No, over— Only… only… ceiling lights! Austin (as festival attendant): Ceiling— [to Wellaway] There’s a ceiling light. [cross] You could do— Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] There’s a ceiling?! Austin (as festival attendant): There’s a— Oh— Everyone: [chuckles] Austin (as festival attendant): [chuckling] We’ll— We’ll lower it above the stage. [Keith laughs] [chuckling] There’s a loose… it’s like a disc shaped ceiling light [cross] hung from a string. Ali (as Jill): [cross] Only a ceiling light can be classified as a kitchen light! [Wellaway: Sure!] That and backdrop, [cross] is it backdrop? Keith (as Wellaway): [cross] That’s fine— that— Hm, no, it’s a full kitchen front drop. Austin (as festival attendant): Could we get, um. Could we get one of the racks of the spotlights? Like, the little— the little track lights? Keith (as Wellaway): No, no, it’s supposed to— It’s gotta look homey. Austin (as festival attendant): Homey? Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. Austin (as festival attendant): That’s homey… Keith (as Wellaway): A backdrop of spotlights? Austin (as festival attendant): No, the tracklights, the little ones. Keith (as Wellaway): Oh, like— like Christmas tree lights? Austin (as festival attendant): No! Like… [sighs] Austin: Flips the form over— Puts the form aside, takes out another form, [Ali chuckles] starts drawing what tracklights look like. Austin (as festival attendant): You know, track lighting! Like they have in stores, but sometimes they put them in… You know— Keith (as Wellaway): Oh, like in— Like hospitals. Austin (as festival attendant): [hesitates] I guess like in hospitals. Sometimes they’re in kitchens! Keith (as Wellaway): Oh, the tiny little guys. [cross] The little spotlights. Austin (as festival attendant): [cross] The tiny little, tiny little spotlights, yes. Keith (as Wellaway): Okay! Yeah, those are cute. Austin (as festival attendant): Can you use those? You need a lamp. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah, those’ll play. [Attendant: Okay.] That’ll get a big laugh. Austin: [chuckles] Ali: [snorts and chuckles] Austin (as festival attendant): Very advanced comedy…! Keith (as Wellaway): [amused] It’s very advanced. Austin (as festival attendant): You said you couldn’t give me a preview… Keith (as Wellaway): No, it’s against— I mean, it’s against policy, this is your [cross] policy. Austin (as festival attendant): [cross] That’s right! Well, we’re really looking forward to it. Um. [chuckles] Mr. Piaster. Um. If there’s anything else you need, you just let us know. Oh, you didn’t get any egg! Keith (as Wellaway): I actually had my full [cross] of egg. Austin (as festival attendant): [cross] No, um, Lucy! Lucy, could you please get Mr. Piaster some egg? Art (as Lucy): How long a yolk? Austin (as festival attendant): Um, how long do you like your yooolk? Keith (as Wellaway): Um, my yooolk [Ali snorts] is, um, whatever the speciality is. Whatever chef’s specialty is. Austin (as festival attendant): [to Lucy] Ch— Chef’s choice! Art (as Chef Lucy): Alright! Big and long! Austin (as festival attendant): Big and long. Keith (as Wellaway): Slimy too, I hope? Austin (as festival attendant): Salmy too, I hope…? Keith (as Wellaway): Slimy? Austin (as festival attendant): Slimy too! Slimy too, slimy too. Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. Austin (as festival attendant): Uh, slimy three! Art: [with disgust] Oh… Keith (as Wellaway): Slimy two— So yeah, slimy three, yeah. Two to three is good. Austin (as festival attendant): Slimy two to three! [chuckles] Slimy medium! Keith (as Wellaway): Slimy medium. Art (as Chef Lucy): Medium slime! Austin: Urgh! Art (as Chef Lucy): Long and medium! Keith: [chuckling] We’re— So we’re in a hotel lobby, there is a short order cook— Austin: [laughs] Keith: [laughs] Austin: [chuckling] Yeah, remember this is all happening in, like, a conference room… Keith: [cross] Yeah— [laughs] Austin: [cross] But like— [laughs] I guess this is like an open-concept rear, that— Keith: By the way, I was told— I was told—I ordered the chicken…! [cross] I was— Austin: [cross] [chuckling] You did order the chicken! Ali: [cross] [laughs] Keith: [cross] Yeah. Austin: Well it’s a chicken egg! Keith: [chuckles] Egg was not on the menu. It was chicken or, like, mystery meat. Austin: It was! Well, chicken eggs are here. And that’s chicken. [Keith: Yeah. Yeah.] You just gotta wait a little longer. Keith: This is a— Yeah, this is a pre-chicken. Austin: Mm-hm! Uh. Well this is your egg that you have in— [cross] in course one, in course two— Keith: [cross] It’s— Entertainment is all about prequels right now, so. Austin: [cross] That’s— We love the prequel. We love a prequel. We love IP, right now. We love worldbuilding. [Keith: Yeah.] Let me tell you, uh, ten years ago we started a fucking podcast and put “worldbuilding” in the, like, the intro? I didn’t realize that a decade later [Keith: Right.] it would be this big industry watchword that everyone [cross] cares about. Keith: [cross] [dramatically] Friends at the Table changed the world… Austin: Ugh… Keith: We did that… Austin: [unexcited] Yeah… [Ali snorts] Let me get paid off that, you know what I mean, like what are we— You know. [Keith: Yeah.] It’s all us, baby. Keith: Just stop worldbuilding! Austin: You just stop doing the world— That’s what I’m doing right now, I’m done with it. [Keith: Yeah.] Just— I’m— Wander through other worlds from now on. [Keith chuckles] [chuckles] Uh. Art: [cross] [weary sigh] Oh… Austin: [cross] And I think that that is the end of this luncheon, without any other— You know, I think that there is a… definitely a sense that people are a little upset that The Last Day didn’t show up. Um, and… [Keith: Right.] You know, maybe there’s a phone call you overhear and— and— Keith: Hmm, I’m concerned. Austin: Yeah, you know. Jeremy is on the phone and he’s like, Austin (as Jeremy): Well I understand…! Well, all of the cont— all of the comedians are still in their preparatory phase, it was required to come to the luncheon…! Austin: Very upset. Austin (as Jeremy): Everyone’s very upset! We thought that there would be an appearance…! Austin: So, just deeply whiny, baby-mode [Keith: Mm-hm.] people running this place. Keith: The important part of the Comedy Festival is luncheon. Austin: There are people who believe this… Keith: Yeah. Austin: And— Keith: And they’re running luncheons. Austin: And they’re running luncheons. Keith: [chuckles] Austin: You know… [chuckles] Those who can, do. Those who can’t run luncheons, [cross] in my experience. Keith: [cross] Yup. Ali: [cross] Waow… Austin: Yeah… Take that. Keith: Uh, I— You know, I’m sitting eating my long egg [Austin sighs] and thinking about how the — I was fucking with them about the props, but a full kitchen does seem like a pretty good time, maybe I can do something [cross] with the full kitchen. Austin: [cross] You could get an hour out of a kitchen set! I think, Keith, you this minute [cross] could get— Art: [cross] It could be a real Honeymooners set. Austin: Yeah, I think that— I really think anyone on this call could get an hour of material from a kitchen set. Ali: Mm-hm. Keith: Yeah. Austin: It might be bad, cringe material, [Ali laughs] [cross] but you could do it. Keith: [cross] You’ve heard of kitchen sink drama…! [Austin chuckles, Art winces] Ali: [laughs] Yeah, what if the next Friends at the Table show wasn’t an actual play live experience, [Art: Uh-huh.] it was us each doing an hour-long one-man show. [chuckles] Keith: In a kitchen. Ali: In a kitchen, [cross] yeah. Austin: [cross] In a kitchen set. Art: So this is— this is gonna be, like, a seven [cross] hour show. Ali: [cross] This is a three day festival. Austin: [cross] That’s right, eight— Yup, mm-hm! I think that sounds great! Art: [cross] Yeah, an eight hour show… Austin: [cross] And you inherit the state of the kitchen [Ali: Yeah.] from wherever it was before. Keith: Wow, that’s good. [cross] That’s a choice. Austin: [cross] Someone’s gonna come in [Ali: Mm-hm.] and there’s gonna be a cake in the oven currently. You know? [chuckles] No idea how much longer it needs to be in there. Keith: No idea how to make a buttercream. Austin: No idea. No directions left behind. The opening act [01:26:45] Austin: Uh, alright! As it sounds like the luncheon comes to an end, um, what are you— Wellaway, are you going to see… the opening act? Are you— Are you… keeping your head low? What is the— what is the— [cross] We now have some— some leads. Keith: [cross] I don’t know! Part of me wants to see what else is going on, part of me thinks that something weird might happen at this festival. Austin: I mean, yeah! Keith: Yeah I’ll go to this festival. Austin: Is everyone going to the festival? Art: Yeah. Austin: You know, we get the opening act here from Cartier and it is a bunch of reheated material that has, you know, I think Cartier has been on the circuit long enough that the stuff that was… old has, like, cycled out of the zeitgeist for long enough that he’s able to go do his old material again. [Keith: Right.] And— You know, “I always impress others with my craft,” it’s right there in the sentence. Um, he’s able to draw the crowd, people are laughing. But— But the thing he told you about is deeply true. You know, I think maybe you have a special seat, Wellaway, you have, like… either you can be backstage watching or, like, front— Like on the stage, like stage-left or something, you know? Like, with the… like, the honored guests? Up to you where you want to sit. But— But, you know, as you move through this group of people, on top of the people who live here, on top of the folks from Dokine, there really is this group of people who just… [hesitates] When I say that they have a cult vibe, I don’t mean that they have, like, long robes on. I mean that they’re all, like, wearing, like… like cheap sweatshirts. You know? They’re all like— They’ve got, like, sweatshirts featuring, like, the 1988 Dallas Cowboy, you know, play-off game schedule. You know? Like, really weird… [chuckles] [Keith: Right.] Like, dirt cheap— Keith: How do they even know about Dallas! Austin: How do they even know about Dallas, [cross] you know. Keith: [cross] [laughs] Austin: Uh, wearing sneakers, you’ve never seen that brand before, you know. [Keith: Right.] Um. There is a real Payless “we need to appear— We need to go out in public and not in our cult robes—” Keith: MIKE [mike-ee, like NIKE] sneakers. Austin: MIKEs, yeah. They got their MIKEs on. [cross] Mm-hm. Keith: [cross] They got their MIKEs on. Austin: Um. And— And it is really the wild-eyed… Like, a fervor for something that’s not in the room. Um. And these are the people who it actually turns out need the laugh signs, because they seem… deeply… misaligned in terms of where the punchlines are. [Keith: Uh-huh.] They are laughing at— at things that are set-ups, they are laughing at the dead air in between sets, uh. [chuckles] Like straight up, the music comes on after one person leaves and, like, four of them, uproarious laughter. It’s as if they are like… Keith: Guessing? [chuckles] Austin: Sort of! Yeah, it’s as if— No it’s— No, sorry, it’s not as if they are guessing. It’s as if they are from a world where comedy is different. You know. Um. It is if [sic] they are from a— Like, they are laughing genuinely at beats that aren’t comedic beats, with the sort of heartiness [Keith: Right.] that suggests that where they’re from, you laugh here, you know. You laugh at the song that comes on after the comedian leaves the stage. You know. Art: Yeah, I’ve felt like this before. [Keith: Yeah.] This— [cross] This is very relatable to me. Austin: [cross] Oh, great touchstone. One second I lost the— Yes! Who— So I’ve never seen this movie, Keith, do you wanna explain what you— Keith: [cross] You’ve never seen Galaxy Quest? Art: [cross] Wwwhat!? Austin: [cross] I’ve never seen Galaxy Quest. Art: [cross] Holy shit! Keith: [cross] Yeah, I like Galaxy Quest, it’s fun. Austin: [cross] I think I would love Galaxy Quest, I wanted to see it so bad as a kid, and I just never got the opportunity. Keith: Uh, I posted the aliens from Galaxy Quest who are, like, super off-beat weirdos, [Austin: Yeah.] who basically they— They grew up watching Tim Allen’s Galaxy— You know, Tim Allen’s character’s Galaxy— [Art: Fake Star Trek.] [Austin: Fake Star Trek, right, yeah.] fake Star Trek show, thinking that it was real, they warp him to help him save the world, and, like, their only human touchstones are like, you know, bad TV basically. [Austin: Mm, mm-hm.] And so their version of relating to people is very weird. [Art: Yeah.] And they just are a bunch of kinda goofy, stilted oddballs. Um. Art: And Tony Shalhoob is one of them. Austin: [cross] Shoutouts Tony Shalhoub Keith: [cross] Tony Shalhoub. Art: [cross] Or wait. No, Tony Shalhoub’s uh— One of the actors, right, yeah. Keith: [cross] Tony Shalhoubs is— is one of the ac— He’s like one of the jaded Star Trek actors, yeah. Who’s the guy in the middle? He’s super familiar, I don’t remember… [Art: Yeah…] I don’t remember who plays him off the top of my head. [pause] Um. Oh it’s, uh— it’s uh, fuckin’ Veronica Mars’s dad! Austin: Oh my god! Art: [cross] That’s why, yeah. Keith: [cross] Yeah. Ali: [cross] [snorts] Austin: [cross] That is who that is! Keith: [cross] Yeah. Uh. Ali: [cross] [chuckling] Sorry. Art: [cross] Enrico Colantoni. Austin: [cross] Oh my god. Keith: [cross] Yeah. [laughs] He’s really good in this, he’s really good in this. Austin: I didn’t know he had that sort of range! Keith: I know! I know, yeah. Uh, this is, uh— This is, uh, an early Justin Long movie, also. [Ali: Hmm!] I like Justin Long. [cross] Sam Rockwell! Art: [cross] Uh— Go out of your way to see Galaxy Quest, [Keith: Yeah.] it’s really worth it. Austin: [cross] Yeah… Keith: Uh, Alan Rickman is one of the Star Trek [cross] guys. Austin: [cross] Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keith: [cross] Sigourney Weaver, yeah. Austin: [cross] Yeah, the alien. Art: [cross] Yeah. Austin: Yeah, Sigourney Weaver’s great. [pause] Keith: Uh, anyway these guys are… [cross] This is what I’m thinking of. Austin: [cross] This is the vibe, yeah. Keith: These, but kind of sinister? Austin: [hesitant] Yeah, I— Art: Rainn Wilson is one of those guys…! Austin: Oh, yeah! Sure. Art: In his first [cross] role in— the first film role. Austin: [cross] That’s fun. Wow. Keith: [cross] Wow! Austin: Um. That is the energy. I think. And it’s sinister, but it’s— it’s alien as much as it’s sinister. Keith: Right. Austin: It’s sinister…! I don’t wanna talk you down from feeling that it’s sinister. [Keith chuckles] [pause] Keith: Sure. [pause] If I’m getting a cult vibe and not just, like, an— like a tourist vibe? Austin: Yeah. And I said that out loud, I’m not gonna walk it back. You know. You’ve been— You know a cult is around! [chuckling] You know. [chuckles] So. Keith: Yeah, I just heard about a cult [cross] a couple minutes ago. Austin: [cross] Yeah. So. It’s not that… dramatic a leap. Though— Or alternatively this is a great moment of, like,am I… am I seeing a cult or was I just cursed yesterday, and so everything looks like a cult to me. Who could say. Keith: This is Boss Baby all over again. Austin: You’re getting Boss Babied. [Ali snorts] Uh. Festival intermission [01:33:16] Austin: But nothing… During this performance, nothing seems to go wrong. Um. You know, no one’s— no one blows up, no one’s yelling, there’s no fights. Um. And then during the dinner intermission the doors open and, you know, people are getting up to leave. And, uh, I think probably, either, you know, looking on from backstage or from the stage, Wellaway, you’re able to see… Magistrate Castagon, like, come in the door as everyone starts to leave through the— The doors had been closed, right, the doors had been— You know, there was like a— It’s like a classic “once you’re in, you’re in” closed doors situation? No one else is allowed in until the intermission? [Keith: Mm-hm.] And it’s the intermission, and so as the doors open and everyone, like, filters out to go get snacks or go to the bathroom, or go the circus, or… You know, at this point, we talked about how there’s like a whole wing of, like… of business related things? ‘Cause it’s a— It’s not just a… It’s not just a comedy festival, it’s also— There’s some sort of, like, show— Like, business showcase? Like, inventions? I don’t quite remember what we said was also happening here. But there was some sort of wing where there were, like, you know… Not distributors, but like people showing products. Comedy products, [cross] I guess. Keith: [cross] Oh, I remember what it was. It was producers [Austin: Oh, you’re right.] and other sort of manag— [Austin: Yes.] who had set up booths that individual comedians can come to perform [cross] to an audience of one or two to try to get some sort of deal. Austin: [cross] [chuckling] That’s what it was. [chuckles] Yes. And so I think after the… the keynote is over a lot of the producers and stuff who were in the main hall are going to go to their booths and, like, that part of the show, floor will be open etcetera. But as it happens, Magistrate Castagon comes in the main hall, and you recognize this guy, this is the guy from Ulled. And, you know, I don’t know that you can see the picture he’s holding up? Um, maybe you can and maybe you can— You recognize it because it is your headshot that he’s holding up. And you— You know, sometimes if you have, like, a picture of yourself that you’ve seen a lot of, you’ll be able to recognize it on, like— even at an incredible distance, [cross] just ‘cause you know the— Keith: [cross] Yeah. I’ve got a headshot! Austin: Well there you go, if you’ve got the headshot! Yeah. And so— Keith: He got the head— His— The headshot is my headshot. Austin: Is your headshot, exactly! And you’re like, that’s my headshot. So, that guy is here. And is… [chuckles] You know, I think at some point you see someone turn and, like, point up at the stage to where you were at some point, or you know maybe you were introduced earlier, who knows. [Keith: Right.] This guy’s here and is on— is coming for you now in a way that is more active, or looking for you now in a way that is more active knowing that you are here. What do you do? Keith: [sighs] Um. We’ve— We’ve learned that this guy is under, um… What was my funny joke? [pause] Fuck. Austin: [snorts] Great one. Keith: It was— I— We said he was under— We— He was, like, under house arrest but he is under the opposite of house arrest and I wish I could remember [cross] what it was that I said because it was really good, but. Austin: [cross] Oh, this guy is. Sure. Keith: People listening might remember. And you can at me on whatever. [Austin chuckles] So let me know. ‘Cause I do wanna know. In 2025 I’ll have a good little laugh. [chuckles] Uh. [pause] So I know that he’s like… he’s wearing some sort of tracker on his… [cross] around his neck or around his ankle? I can’t remember. Austin: [cross] He has some sort of— He has some sort of neck bracer, neck— necklace, tight necklace? Kind of like a golden, like, choker type vibe? Um. But you don't know if it’s a tracker, you don’t know if it’s a— You don’t know what it is, you know. Keith: Yeah. Yeah. Um. [pause] So… I— You know, if I saw that—‘cause I saw it, and I assume that he was being controlled or made to do this in some way. [Austin: Mm-hm.] And uh… That seems like bad news, you know, if he’s being forced to do this then… Then… there’s probably not much that I can do. [Austin: Mm-hm.] So I definitely would like to get away from him. Austin: Uh, sure! Um. What is your— What is— Yeah, I guess at this point, I should be [cross] declaring— Keith: [cross] This is a defense? Austin: Yeah, I’m declaring a… a thing here, right. I am— I am at this point, um, [chuckles] using the… the sentence “I always assign guilt.” As Magistrate Castagon moves through this crowd and is, like, Austin (as Magistrate Castagon): Have you seen this clown? This clown is a criminal. [Austin chuckles] This clown is a criminal, can you lead me to this clown. Austin: Uh. [Keith: Hmm.] And is looking for guidance to find you. Keith: Now here is a question about Realis. [Austin: Yes. Yes.] I know this to be a level 0 sentence. Austin: You do! Keith: Is that something that could change, over time? Someone could show up with a higher reality sentence than when they last showed up? Austin: You should— Once it’s declared, once you see it in the world, it’s the thing it is, unless you’ve seen it… get changed. Do you know what I mean, [cross] unless you’ve seen it— Keith: [cross] Okay, got it. Austin: Yeah, I will not raise a sentence off-screen so to speak, in between sessions, at least without truly signalling it. And I think as the rules are written, there is no— there is no place for that, explicitly. [Keith: Okay.] You know, there is no “the GM can raise a sentence between sessions.” The sentences get raised because— Like, this is a sentence that’s already been marked once, right. [Keith: Right.] This sentence failed once, this sentence could fail two more times and then realize, [cross] the same way that yours can, right. Keith: [cross] Oh, yeah, okay! Yeah, that makes sense, [cross] it works the same way for them and I can see that, ‘cause it’s marked. So. Austin: [cross] Yup! Exactly, yup. Keith: Yeah, that makes perfect sense! And um. So that means I don’t have to do anything to my level 0 sentence here. [Austin: Nope.] I can use “I am always quick in wit and bone” to get [cross] away. Austin: [cross] Yeah, well, I should say the— The intention here is… Yeah, I think the intention here is to be led to you. Um. Is to— Is to be led to you in a way that, like, corners you for… for process or arrest or something like that. So, just declaring what my full intention is. You’re going to use “I am always quick in wit and bone” to just get the fuck away. Keith: Yes. Stay one step ahead. You know, I— I don’t think at this point I can stop him from knowing that I’m here? Austin: Sure. I mean, you’re a— you’re one of the main speakers. Keith: Right, my name— I have a— My name’s on the marquis. [Austin: Yup.] Uh. But, uh, I can stop him from finding me, like literally getting [cross] to where I am. Austin: [cross] You sure can. And so yeah, I think that that’s fine. You’re just one step ahead the whole time, [Keith: Mm-hm.] but Castagon is on your trail. I will counter that sentence, he cannot use that sentence for the rest of this kind of sequence, but— but know that he is out there. Uh, do you meet up with… Hye and Donnie and Candide to let them know that a weirdo is after you? Keith: Uh, totally. Yeah, I totally do. Austin as (Candide): [sighs] Keith: And I would mention about the other weirdos, too! Austin as (Candide): Yeah, I don’t— I don’t like how they look at anything… Keith (as Wellaway): Yeah. Austin as (Candide): Or how they look. Period. Keith (as Wellaway): I don’t like how they anything! Austin as (Candide): [sighs] Keith (as Wellaway): Is that the— Is that them? Is that the cult? Austin as (Candide): I don’t know! You wanna ask ‘em? Keith (as Wellaway): No… [cross] Hye? Austin as (Candide): [cross] You— You do it. Yeah. Someone do it. Ali (as Hye): Um, you want me to ask? Keith (as Wellaway): No, I want you to tell me if you know if that’s the cult. Ali (as Hye): Which cult? Austin as (Candide): Or ask! Keith (as Wellaway): The cult that you told me about. Austin (as Candide): The Fatalists. Ali (as Hye): Oh… [pause] I don’t… think so? Austin (as Candide): You think they’re just weirdos… Ali: I know that, right? I know that, out of character? Austin: You don’t know anything about this weird group. Ali: Oh, okay. [cross] I feel like— I— [chuckles] I feel like they— Austin: [cross] These weird sweatshirt people. [Keith: Yeah.] Austin: That’s not the vibe, [Keith: I knew—] the vibe that you have in your mind is like… You know, [comedically sinister] cackling among the ruins of the ruined world of dudududuh… Ali: [cross] Right, yeah, the— the reason I thought that it was confirmed out of character was because you did not describe them in a sinister way. Besides— Well, you walked out the cult thing, but it did not seem like they were [Austin: A bit!] trying to unmake things. They were just trying to… Austin: [hesitant] They’re… Keith: [fakes a laugh] Ali: [chuckling] …be a cult. Keith: That’s my impression of Keith Mars laughing in that movie. Austin: Yeah, right. Right, right, great. Keith: [chuckles] Art: It’s— No, it’s— Austin: It’s pretty right? Art: Like the, ah-hah-hah-hah. Keith: [laughs] [cross] It’s a good movie! Art: [cross] There’s like a hollowness to the voice. Austin: I’m gonna watch it, I’ll get to it. I— Art: Like I said, David Mamet called it one of the four perfect movies. Keith: [laughs] And you can always [cross] trust David Mamet. Austin: [cross] Trust in— Yeah, Mamet. Oh, there was a time. [Art: Yeah.] There was a time. Well, [hesitates] trust is probably too strong, but. Um. Ali, I did walk back my things— I did say— I did say they were a cult, and so if the vibe that you’re getting is that it’s sinister, that’s fine. [Ali: Mm.] You know, [Keith: Right.] they don’t seem like they’re here to start shit. [Ali: Yeah.] They seem like they’re here to witness shit. Keith: To finish shit. Austin: They’re here to watch whatever happens, which can be sinister in its own regard, you know. [Keith: Right.] Ali: Sure. And is that… Ali (as Hye): Are they here to watch an undoing? Now I don’t know! Now I don’t know. [chuckles] Austin (as Candide): Now I don’t know! Now— Keith (as Wellaway): Let’s investigate! I’m— Hey, let’s investigate! Ali (as Hye): Well, okay. But bring your— your bracelet. [snorts] Keith (as Wellaway): Oh, I’ve got my bracelet. Ali (as Hye): Okay, then let’s go. [Music outro - “Realis” by Jack de Quidt plays] [a]00:06:20 Art or Ali, or both?